“Primary privilege” and the illusion of security

Unfortunately, there’s really NOTHING that guarantees security in relationship — not veto power, not Agreements, not processing, not the mythical lack of jealousy. Ultimately, we are all in a dance with one another, and if one person decides that they are done with the dance, then they are DONE. They let go, and the other person is suddenly without their partner. What happens next, is entirely up to each individual; there is no more “we.”

What Is Couple Privilege?

Fellow poly blogger Franklin, aka Tacit (deservedly well-known for his site More Than Two), recently published a very interesting article in his Live Journal about “couple privilege.” Rather than try to reinvent the wheel here, I’ll let you read his own words about what that means: Polyamory: So What Is Couple Privilege, Anyway?   I […]


From Triads to Triadic Relationships (a response)

“Intimacy is, itself, the relationship between influence and risk.”

The article this quote is from was first presented as the Opening Keynote at the recent Atlanta Poly Weekend, and is by a friend and colleague of mine, maymay. His thought is nuanced, complex, uncomfortable, and highly provoking. I also think it’s brilliant and possibly one of the most important things I’ve read in quite a while. It’s long, so take your time. But I think it will be worth it.

I think this bears directly on some of the stuff I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, e.g., my last post on Primary Privilege, and an earlier one, Appendix A: A model of polyamorous relationships. I’d be very interested to hear your thoughts on any of this.

Owning Ourselves, Our Loves, and Our Desires

  Today I ran across an interesting article, about one woman’s journey of self discovery.  You can read it under the title: Finally Embracing Desire. The author, Monique, chronicles some of the changes taking place within her, as she moves her consciousness from the compulsory-monogamy paradigm, toward the idea that she (as the original title […]

Solo Poly

One of the concepts that crossed my desk a while back was that of “Solo Polyamory.” As I sat unexpectedly alone on Christmas eve, and was reading some discussion on one of the polyamory lists I’m on, I realized that this is the style of polyamory that I’m apparently now practicing. Many people feel that […]

Definitions of poly/open relationships for therapists (and others)

here’s a (relatively) new article out about doing therapy with clients who are in various forms of open relationships, by Kevin J. Zimmerman, published in the Journal of Feminist Family Therapy. (NB: It’s written for an academic therapist audience, so non-therapists may not find it easy reading. Also, the link is to the publisher, where […]