Category Archives: Media

three wedding rings with the caption "Love Multiplied"

Are we next? Polyamory & Marriage Equality

With last week’s Supreme Court decision to make same-sex marriage legal across all 50 US states (or, as I’ve heard it said, “Fifty States of Gay!” 😉 ), we of the Poly Leadership Network have been deluged with questions, most asking some variant of “Is plural marriage next?”

Poly people have long known that we’re “the bottom of the slippery slope” according to the conservative right.  Lumping the right to marry multiple spouses in with child abuse, marrying livestock, and other extreme and unwelcome cases has been a favorite tactic of those trying to shut down the push toward “gay marriage.”  But now that we’re here, and the “unthinkable” has happened, is legalization of multi-partner marriage actually “next on the agenda” for poly people in the US? Continue reading

Rocky Mountain Poly Living

Join me in Colorado! RM Poly Living May 8-10, 2015

I’m so excited to invite you to join me next weekend, May 8 – 10, in Colorado at Rocky Mountain Poly Living. We’ll convene at the Ramada Plaza Hotel in North Denver for a fabulous weekend of fun, networking, education, and socializing!

CunningMinxPolyamory Weekly Podcast legend Cunning Minx will be giving the keynote speech on Friday, followed by a fun Bohemian Nights Dance (both are included with your full weekend registration.) Continue reading

What About the Children? Cover of Loving More Magazine #37

Poly and Child Custody Nightmares: Links and Advice

A month or two ago, I was contacted by some folks who are actually going through a common poly nightmare, at least for parents: A contentious custody battle in which one parent is accused of being a bad parent “because they are polyamorous.” It’s a nightmare in part because there have been some notorious cases in which a family has lost custody of their kids due at least in part to their being polyamorous. This sort of thing varies a LOT by location, and at least as much by the particular judge/s hearing the case. Even when polyamory is brought up as an issue, it does not always (or even often) lead to a loss of custody. But when it’s you and your family undergoing the scrutiny, the situation can be frankly terrifying.

I know this from personal experience, because about a decade ago my own daughter was taken by Child Protective Services (aka CPS) — for a situation that was ultimately unrelated to polyamory, but we didn’t know that at the time. She was eventually returned to us after a harrowing week, once they’d determined that their abuse fears were groundless. It was, however, an experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and it has had lasting impacts on our daughter and our family. 🙁

Thus, I was very motivated to provide as much help as possible. I started by sending a couple of links, and then went on to write a detailed letter of some possible issues that might come up, and some possible responses to each one.  I asked for and received permission to post the letter (devoid of identifying information of course.)

It is with great sincerity that I hope that no one reading these words ever has need of the advice and links I’ve included below. And it is for those few of you who might ever need these links that I share this information now. If you are going through something like this, please remember:

No matter who or how many you love, Love is ALWAYS ok.

~♥ Dawn

telephone_bluePS: Would you like to talk to me privately about issues around polyamory and/or child custody? I’m happy to schedule a time to talk to you. I do 30 minutes for free, or 60 minutes for 1/2 price. Contact me, and we’ll find a good time to chat by phone or Skype!

 

Letter to Polyamorous Parents Facing a Child Custody Battle

Dear [poly parents]:

Let me start by saying that I am so sorry that you all are facing this sort of prejudice.  It’s terrible, and I know how very challenging it can be.  (((hugs)))

Continue reading

Kenyan flag from Wikimedia Commons

Poly Fashions — a Kenyan Poly Awareness Project

Hi folks!

I’m still working on the next installment in the 5 ways to meet poly/open people series.  I’ve got some things happening in the “real world” that are interfering with my writing time. Sorry!  In the meantime, I wanted to let you know of this very interesting project happening in Kenya.

Fellow Poly Leadership Network member Alfred Anangwe sent the message below earlier today:

Recently, Kenya’s president signed into law a marriage bill which among other things encourages men to marry many wives without seeking consent from their spouses. There has been little opposition to this. What is disturbing, though, is that when a Kenyan woman tried to get married to two men through consent last year, there was public outrage that led to the split of their ‘marriage’. There are a number of internet sites (some listed below) where you can read about this story.

1.       Should two men be allowed to ‘marry’ the same woman?

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/the-hot-button/two-kenyan-men-reach-deal-to-marry-the-same-woman/article13979164/

2.       Kenyan love rivals agree to ‘marry’ the same woman after she refused to choose between them after having affairs with both:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2402299/Kenyan-love-rivals-agree-marry-woman-refused-choose-them.html

Public outrage was so harsh that most women and men who were in similar arrangements went underground. Poly fashions is a Kenyan project which is encouraging such unions to come out openly since there is no law in Kenya which proscribes polyandry. We call on PLN members elsewhere to support our first planned national awareness project that among other things seeks to print awareness t-shirts, engage the media, develop a Kenyan website and stage workshop to train regional leaders on issues of advocacy and awareness…. Further queries can be directed to Alfred Anangwe (aanangwe@yahoo.com) who is also a PLN member or Everlyne Makana (wemakana@gmail.com). Cheers.

I have asked Alfred about possibly carrying some of their designs in my LoveOTB Zazzle store. (I’ll let you know when/if they become available!) If you’re interested in getting involved, I’m sure Alfred and Everlyne would welcome your inquiries.

Because no matter who or how many you love…. Love is ALWAYS ok!

~♥ Dawn

PS: Check out the fun options already in my LoveOTB Zazzle store!

 

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[© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]

Morning Glory Zell

Remembering Morning Glory Zell, 1948 – 2014

I’d intended to continue my series of 5 Ways to Meet Poly/Open People today.  But life, as they say, is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.  Instead, today I’m taking the time to commemorate Tuesday’s passing of Morning Glory Zell, Pagan Priestess, author, and (co-)originator of the word “polyamorous.”  Many others will tell her story more fully, and with more historical references. I’ll be telling the ways in which she affected me personally, and how she intersected with my experiences of both Paganism and Polyamory.

Meeting Morning Glory

Morning Glory had an impact on my life long before I knew it. I first met her in the late 80’s or early 90’s, up at Annwfn, the Church of All Worlds retreat center outside of Ukiah, CA. Continue reading

Afternoon Delights on 4/26/14 + Free Recording!

What’s relationship success? Is your relationship a success or not, and how do you tell? How can you use “creative relationship design” to create a successful relationship tailored to your needs, and those of your partner/s?

This was the topic of the free call that I did a couple of weeks back, with Francesca Gentille.  I’ve finally surmounted the technological hurdles to get this out in a form that anyone can listen to.  Hooray!  Below is the link to the YouTube page for the audio (the slideshow portion is fairly optional.)

If you are local to the SF Bay Area, you might be interested in the in-person class that Francesca and I are teaching THIS Saturday, April 26th:  Afternoon Delights on the Wilder Shores of Love. (HINT: there’s a DISCOUNT CODE for those who listen to the FREE CALL recording below!) We’ve still got some spaces left, so grab a friend — or two, for best prices! — and sign up for this fun, interactive workshop!

Continue reading

Polyamory on Huffpost Live TODAY at 1pmPacific

HuffPoLive Hey folks!  A quick and last-minute heads-up, that there will be a polyamory segment on Huffpost Live‘s “Hump Day” at 1pm Pacific/4pm Eastern TODAY, Wed. 2/26/14. [Here’s the link to the recorded segment.]  Loving More‘s Robyn Trask is one of those scheduled to appear.  (They contacted me, but I didn’t see the note till this morning, so I won’t be joining them this time.  See here for a link to the segment I appeared on in December.) At this past weekend’s International Academic Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Non-Monogamy, and especially during the special day on political issues, there was much discussion about the increase in media coverage over the past 5-8 years, and the implications that this might have for polyamorous and other sorts of non-monogamous people.  As Jim Fleckenstein of NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom) said in the title of his presentation, “Okay, Polyamory’s Been Outed!  NOW What Do We Do?” — referring mostly to the media frenzy around the change in the Same Sex marriage landscape, and the many “slippery slope” predictions. And as always, you can keep tabs on what’s happening in poly media by checking out Alan M’s Poly In the News. He’s got a great archive going back to at least 2005, with lots of insightful commentary and discussion. It’s great to realize that the world is finally starting to catch up with the notion that no matter who or how many you love… Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  If you’re looking for help with your own polyamorous or other “outside the box” relationship, I do phone or Skype sessions, as well as in-person in the SF  Bay Area. Get more info here!kiss I’ve also updated my KISSable Agreements Workbook, and the updated version is now available from my website for only $10 for the pdf .  I’ve got a few physical copies on hand as well, for $15 (not including shipping, if you need that).

 

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ [© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]

F-M-M Triad

Seeking triad for TV show about non-mono bisexuals

F-M-M Triad

Dany, Lon, and Troy, a non-monogamous and bisexual triad, as they appeared on National Geographic’s “Taboo” TV series in January of 2012.

Hi everyone!  Alan M. of Poly in the Media just forwarded a letter from Rachel at ZKK TV, a documentary production company in the U.K. (http://www.zkktv.com/). They’re seeking “polyamorous groups consisting of 3 people, where one is heterosexual, one is bisexual, and the other is either gay or bisexual.”  Alan says:

“It looks like an above-average outfit, judging only by what they say on their webpage”
[however]
“I see on their Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/pages/ZKK-TV/307763952592744) that they sold “My Daughter the Teenage Nudist” to the U.K.’s Channel 4, which I think has a downmarket reputation. The show (I haven’t watched it):
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/my-daughter-the-teenage-nudist/4od

Here’s the letter from ZKK’s researcher, Rachel:

My name is Rachel – I’m a researcher at a television company called ZKK. I’m getting in touch at the suggestion of the Polyamory Media Association web page.We have been asked to do a 1 hour documentary about couples who aren’t monogamous. Specifically, we’re looking at relationships where one person is bisexual, and enjoys relationships with people of the same sex with the blessing of another partner of the opposite sex. The idea is to create a warm, celebratory documentary that looks at this type of relationship from all angles; we have spoken to wives who are quite happy for their bisexual husbands to have affairs with other men, and husbands who are happy for their bisexual wives to do the same. In order to get a well rounded view we’d like to speak to polyamorous groups consisting of 3 people, where one is heterosexual, one is bisexual, and the other is either gay or bisexual.You’re probably extremely busy, but I’d really appreciate your help. Do you know of anyone in this type of relationship?Kind regards,
Rachel
Rachel Douce:  rachel.douce@zkktv.com
——————————————

If you do decide to respond, please, do your Due Diligence and check these folks out first! Make sure you’ve thought about the possible ramifications of appearing on TV in this sort of context.  As much as you can, prepare for the appearance, such as talking to the good folks over at the Poly Media Association, or Loving More, or studying the information available on the website for the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF).  Proceed at your own risk, and please remember that this post does not constitute a recommendation from either myself or Alan M.!

In other news, this weekend I’m off to the 3rd International Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Non-Monogamy, which starts this evening (Friday 2/21/14) in Berkeley, CA, with a session aimed at Clinicians. Saturday has the big events, with three tracks of interesting presentations ranging from academic presentations, to arts/media/folklore, and Public Education.  I’ll be in the Public Education track myself, with a presentation on Riding the Green Wave: Tools for Dealing with Jealousy.  The conference is pretty full, but there may yet be space, so if you’re drawn to be there, check it out, or come on by!

And whether or not you can join us, do remember that no matter who or how many you love, Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

kissPS:  I’ve updated my KISSable Agreements Workbook, and the updated version is now available from my website for only $10 for the pdf .  And I’ll have a few physical copies of the book available this weekend as well, for $15.   Yay!

 PPS:  Agreements are one great way to help deal with jealousy! Stop by the conference this weekend to learn some more ways… or check out the free teleseminars about jealousy that I did with Kathy Labriola (who will also be presenting at the conference on Friday evening, by the way!).

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]


‘Why Knot’ and HuffPost Link

For any of you that might have missed Friday’s HuffingtonPostLive segment on Holiday Survival, Polyamorous Style, you can still catch the recorded show on their website:

Holiday Survival Guide: Polyamorous Edition

Featuring Robyn Trask of Loving More, Billy Holder of Atlanta Poly Weekend, and Rachel Klechevsky, a therapist from New York, the segment addresses some questions regarding the special challenges are faced by polyamorous people during the holidays.

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You may also want to consider donating to the Indiegogo campaign of this independent film, WHY KNOT – Breaking the Silence on Monogamy

According to the campaign website:

[The Director’s] search takes us beyond his bedroom and into the biology of sex, the history of patriarchy and the politics of monogamy where his girlfriend, scientists, polyamorists, Dhruv’s loved one’s, and even tapeworms become a part of this self-reflexive narrative. WHYKNOT is an intellectual and emotional journey through the landscape of monogamy, questioning what it means to be human and to confront this conflict between our instincts and our morals.

The campaign ends on December 27th at midnight, so hop over to the site soon if you wish to contribute to this interesting project that aims to “break the silence on monogamy.”

And remember, even if you experience challenges from family, friends or co-workers this Holiday season…

Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS: Looking for some help in figuring out how to handle your own sticky poly/open situations this holiday season? I’m running some great Winter Specials on my individual and group coaching. Get up to 50% off time with me! But act soon… the extra low package deals end when the ball drops for the new year!

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

TODAY 12/20: HuffPostLive on Polyamory + Other Poly Media

A last-minute heads-up that there will be a segment about Polyamory and the Holidays on HuffingtonPostLive today, Friday 12/20, at 1:40pm Pacific/4:40pm Eastern.  It hasn’t been fully confirmed, but it seems likely that I’ll be one of the speakers on the show, so check it out! The recorded show will be available on the site later, as well.

The topic of the show is what special challenges are faced by polyamorous people during the holidays. For instance, how and when should one come out to family and friends? Before the event? During dinner? What do you do about “plus 1” invitations when you have “plus 2” … or more? How do you handle presents, kids, relatives, and competing invitations? If you spend Christmas with one lover… are you obligated to spend New Years with another?

My contention, while answering pre-show questions was (and is) that in many situations, polyamorous relationships are similar to other sorts of “blended family” relationships. They can have similar challenges and may benefit from similar approaches, such as splitting time between households on various days, or negotiating which partners and family will be at which celebrations, to minimize drama. And of course, talking about things in advance, and making some Agreements is almost always a good idea!

Again, it starts at 1:40pm Pacific time, and is scheduled to run for about 25 minutes. Tune in, and join the conversation!

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sisterwivesIn other news, the decision regarding the Utah Kody Brown (aka “Sister-Wives”) Polygamy case has finally been handed down.  Similarly to the Canadian case two years ago, it looks like the judge has decided that it isn’t illegal to have more than one relationship… just so long as you don’t go seeking any legal recognition for it.

So on the up side, the Browns won’t be prosecuted for their religious marriages, so long as they don’t seek legal any recognition beyond the one existing marriage. That decision should provide some protection — and some precedent — for polyamorous as well as polygamous people in the US.

On the down side however,  in my opinion, is the fact that people in multiple-partner relationships are still being forced into a “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” model of sorts. It seems likely to me that not only adults, but also some children are likely to suffer, since some still may not be able to access needed benefits, falling through the cracks in our rather faulty system of health care, etc. And of course there is still no protection against discrimination against multiple-partner relationships in matters of employment, housing, etc. It’s progress, but we still have a long way to go, clearly.

Still, the ruling shows some progress in acknowledging the existence of multiple-partner households. And the increasing presence of poly topics on fora such as HuffPostLive also demonstrate an increasing awareness of ethically non-monogamous options among the general public. While perhaps not exactly the holiday gifts of our dreams, both are certainly better than a lump of coal in our collective poly stockings. 🙂

Here’s hoping your holidays — whatever form they might take, however many people are present, whatever the religious framework or lack thereof — are as full of warmth and love as you could possibly wish!

~♥ Dawn

PS: Looking for some help in figuring out how to handle your own sticky poly/open situations this holiday season? I’m running some great Winter Specials on my individual and group coaching. Get up to 50% off time with me! But act soon… the extra low package deals end when the ball drops for the new year!

love_outside_the_box_white_on_dark_t_shirts-r734308d7aa2c48a6a7a731d0498738ca_8nfnu_216

PPS: Still looking for that special something as a gift for lovers, friends… or yourself? 😉 Check out the selection of t-shirts, mugs, and other goodies in my Love OTB Zazzle store. Use code BE4CHRISTMAS for 50% off express shipping! (ends Sunday)

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[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]