A Quick Love Languages Quiz
(Based on the series of books by Gary Chapman, beginning with The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Northfield Publishing, 1992. Quiz inspired by the one at http://www.gfi.org/java/pdf/LoveLanguage.PDF.)
According to author Gary Chapman, each person has one main way that they “hear” or “feel” love from others. His “Five Love Languages” are (in no particular order):
♥ Acts of Service ♥ Quality Time ♥ Words
of Affirmation ♥ Gifts ♥ Physical Touch ♥
People often (but not always) express love to others through this same Love Language. When we are listening for love in a particular way, and that isn’t met, abundance in every other way will still leave us feeling less loved. Learn what your own and your partner/s “primary Love Language/s” are, and make sure to “speak” that to them (instead of or in addition to your own natural Language), and you’ll find your interactions will go more smoothly!
To find out which is your “primary Love Language,” rank each sentence below within each set by giving it a number from 1 (least favorite) to 5 (best.) For each sentence in the group, write a 1 in front of the item that you don’t care much about at all, or that has you feel the least loved or the least appreciated; continue with 2, 3, and 4, writing a 5 for the thing that makes you feel the most loved, or the happiest. Don’t allow ties within any given set if at all possible. When you are done, transfer your scores to the score sheet below (the sets are groups vertically in the top part, and horizontally in the bottom). Then add up the numbers in each column. The column with the highest score will be your “primary love language,” the one you hear (and probably speak) most often and most easily.
___ i) When you’re at a party together, your partner speaks proudly of some success of yours
___ ii) Your partner cleans out your car, or organizes your glove box
___ iii) Your partner surprises you with a gift some day, for no particular reason
___ iv) Your partner plans a special day trip for the two of you
___ v) When you’re out with friends, your partner stands with their arm linked in yours, or holding hands
___ i) When you do something well, your partner says, “You did a great job! I really appreciate that!”
___ ii) Your partner does an unexpected chore–takes out the trash or does the dishes, or some other task
___ iii) Your partner brings you a treat from the store, maybe an album you’ve been wanting, or some bubblebath
___ iv) Your partner invites you on a stroll in the park
___ v) Your partner gives you a hug or a kiss before you leave the house, almost every time
___ i) Your partner makes a point to share the positive things your friends say about you
___ ii) Your partner knows how you hate paperwork, so s/he takes the time to do it for you
___ iii) One day, something special arrives in the mail, and it’s from your partner!
___ iv) Out of the blue, your partner shows up at work and takes you out to your favorite lunch joint
___ v) At the end of a long day, your partner offers to massage your back and shoulders
___ i) Your partner sends you a card with a note in it telling you how much they appreciate you
___ ii) Knowing you’re tired, your partner offers to wash your car, sort the laundry, or do some other task for you
___ iii) Your partner brings home your favorite bread from the bakery, or a bunch of flowers
___ iv) After work, your partner sits with you, and listens to you share about your day
___ v) Your partner reaches out to your arm as you pass by in the kitchen
___ i) Your partner tells you in detail what they love about one of your special qualities
___ ii) Three words: Breakfast in bed!
___ iii) Your partner gets you a personal membership to the zoo, the museum, or the gym
___ iv) For a holiday–or maybe not!–your partner makes special plans for you to go someplace together
___ v) In the movie theater, your partner always has their arm around your shoulder, or holds your hand
|(Words)||(Acts of Service)||(Gifts)||(Quality Time)||(Touch)|
- The column with the highest score is your primary Love Language.
- It is possible to be “Multilingual,” i.e., to have two that are the same, or very close together.
- If ALL of your scores are close together, you’re either very balanced, or very indecisive!
TO LEARN MORE:
To learn more about Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, go to his website, The 5 Love Languages. Or purchase his book on Amazon:
♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥
Interested in learning more about using this tool — or other communication tools — in your poly/open relationship? Contact Dawn to schedule a time for an introductory session!
30 minutes for free, or 60 minutes for half price.