The poly mantra, as they say, is “Communicate, communicate, communicate,” hereinafter represented as “C^3” for brevity in this article. 🙂 We all know (or we learn quickly), that polymory and open relationships take a LOT of communicating. In fact, a therapist friend of mine, Cat Maness, said yesterday, that her top 5 skills for poly/open relationships are:
And I’ll add that the most common thing to communicate about is… scheduling! We do a lot of talking and writing around here. It’s just part of the process.
That said, there comes a time when some folks feel that C^3 is OVER-communicating. Recently, for instance, in publicizing the second workshop I’m doing with Kathy Labriola, MORE Jealousy First Aid, I sent out a couple of invites, and Kathy send out an invite, and at least some people on both lists have started to feel like it’s OVER-communicating. (Theoretically, having Infusionsoft is supposed to help with this, but I’m such relative n00b at it that I’m still figuring out how to use all the fancy bells and whistles.) The fact, is though, that one person’s “communicating” is another person’s “OVER-communicating.” People have different preferences, and different levels of comfort with communication. And that’s natural, too.
One way you can mitigate the mismatches in communication styles is, of course, to make some Agreements about them. 🙂 Here’s where you might want to check into my newly-available “beta” version of my KISSable Agreements Workbook, or to check out Cat Maness’ online Agreement generator.
Another thing to remember, is that sometimes someone may be “over-communicating,” because they aren’t getting a “handshake” from you. There may be a simple fix in making a specific, verbal acknowledgement of the message received. Then they can rest assured that you’ve received the message, and can stop delivering it “just in case you haven’t.”
What’s your comfort level with communication? Do you believe in C^3? Or do you have other ideas about communication? No matter what, I hope your communications are helpful in whatever sort of relationship/s you have. Because no matter who or how many you love…
PS: Watch for more from both me and Cat Maness, by the way. We’ve got some collaboration in the works for
world domination, er… helping everyone we can through consciously co-created Agreements. 😀
PPS: I’m out of town this weekend, teaching at the Church of All Worlds Conclave in Cotati. If you decide to purchase my KISSable Agreements Workbook beta version, it might take me an extra day or two to get it to you. I will do so, never fear!
PPPS: If you can’t be on the live call for the MORE Jealousy First Aid Workshop, don’t worry. Sign up anyway! You’ll get information on how to access the recording later. 🙂
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[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]