Poly As ID; Poly Living 2013; Harvard OKs Kink Club on Campus

Following on the discussions about polyamory as identity (or not): Dan Savage posted a few good comments from poly folk who believe that it’s possible to identify as poly and/or have poly as an orientation. Dan’s ability to take a step back and say “hey, I might be wrong here” is a big part of why many folks I know (me included) don’t just write him off altogether (despite some serious concerns about potential bigotry). Not sure he’s exactly saying that here, but at least he’s admitting that there might be another perspective, so that’s progress.

Poly Living 2013 banner

8th Annual Poly Living Conference, Feb 8-10, 2013

While I”m here, I’ll share the link to information about the upcoming Poly Living Conference in Philadelphia, February 8-10, 2013. They’ve got a great line-up of speakers, including a Keynote from Kamala Devi, lately one of the stars of the Showtime series “Polyamory: Married and Dating.”  Other presenters include Bay Area local Charles August, as well as a stellar line-up of presenters from around the country. Especially if you’re on the East Coast, you’ll want to consider attending this great conference.

And did you see the recent news from Harvard?  They’ve allowed an official Kink club on campus! I think this is great news for the wider world of alternative sexuality, and sex-positivity. For me, it begs the question, however, of whether polyamory is a “kink” at least for the purposes of this club?  What do you think?  Feel free to comment here, in private mail, or in my Facebook!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  Got Jealousy? Schedule a 1/2 hour free consultation with me, and get my Jealousy Judo pdf of tools to use to manage jealousy in yourself.  Because jealousy is no fun!

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2012 Dawn M. Davidson]

2 thoughts on “Poly As ID; Poly Living 2013; Harvard OKs Kink Club on Campus

  1. Auros

    Poly is not simply a kink.

    It is certainly possible for somebody to have a kink or fetish for something that involves at least three people — e.g. getting off on watching, or just the idea of, their partner with somebody else; or having a fetish for something like being in the middle of the “fingercuffs” arrangement; or whatever.

    But those are all very different from the basic question of how you think about the nature of intimate partnerships and sexual exclusivitiy. The poly-identified or -oriented person finds that having a significant other does not significantly alter the way they feel when interacting with somebody else who seems like a good potential partner. That’s not a kink, it’s simply part of their nature.

    Dan Savage can argue about whether that kind of feeling is as important as the question of gay/straight type orientation. It’s probably true that MOST poly-identified people could be perfectly happy living with one partner — many DO, if they simply don’t happen to meet anyone new for a long time — so sure, it’s a little different. A gay person is never going to be happy with the constraint of having only opposite-sex partners — that would be essentially the same as telling them to have NO partner. But I think there are SOME poly people who find being told to repress their form of romantic and sexual attraction just as painful as that is for gay people. And if you’re simply WIRED in a way that inclines you to prefer a poly relationship — low inclination to jealousy, high inclination to envy (wanting what other people have got), strong internal mapping amongst intellectual / emotional / physical forms of attraction — it seems to me to make sense to me to call that an orientation, the same as you can be wired as bi-leaning-to-gay, or fully straight, or whatever else.

    1. Uncharted Love Post author

      Hi Auros: Actually, I didn’t ask if poly was “just” a kink; I asked if it qualified as a kink for the purposes of this club. Would someone poly — but not otherwise kinky — be allowed to join this club? Certainly Fetlife (and a lot of folks who hang out there) seems to think that polyamory qualifies as a “kink.” Personally, I experience the word “kink” a bit more broadly than you seem to be, covering what many others call “alternative.” But I’d prefer not to position my preferences as “alternative” to anything, so kink works for me. I’m not “straight” in just about any way that someone conservative might think of, so kink seems an ok moniker. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to use it, though. 🙂

      And I’m with you regarding Dan Savage’s opinions about poly being an orientation. 🙂


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