I finally have a website up over at blog.loveoutsidethebox.com! It’s still something of a placeholder at the moment, since the lovely and extremely talented Jessica K of Modern Poly is currently working on some Real Design(™) and helping me figure out how to get all of this stuff really working. I hope you’ll “pardon my dust” as I move things around, and make some changes to both form and function of this blog, and my related websites.
One of the cool new things that I have now is an autoresponder, which can serve you up a copy of my handy-dandy Relationship Continua Worksheet! In my Agreements Workbook, this worksheet is one of the options for discovering your needs, which is a key part of making effective Agreements. It should have appeared right after the entry Make A List of Needs, and right before Agreements and Requests.
So, picking up where we left off at the end of Make A List of Needs, another option for discovering your needs is…
Use the Relationship Continua Worksheet
Another way to get at some of what your needs/values are, is to use my handy-dandy Relationship Continua Worksheet.
Each of us has preferences in how we conduct relationships. These preferences can be expressed as a series of continua. For any given continuum, both ways of being are valid; neither one is “wrong.” Additionally, relationship style preferences can change over time, and/or they may be different with different partners. I often find it’s easier to create “relationship/emotional safety” with people who are closer to me on most of the continua. It will naturally be more challenging to come to agreement with folks who are at the other end of the spectrum more of the time.
As you look at these scales, ask yourself these questions: Who am I most of the time? Why and when might I make exceptions to my preferences? When is it a good idea to be flexible on these continua, and when might it be breaking emotional or physical/sexual safety with myself or my partner/s?
(Please note that some of this text is duplicated on the page with the continua on it. This is intentional, so you if you photocopy the page, it’ll be useful as a stand-alone handout.)
I sincerely hope you enjoy the handout (if you choose to get it), and I hope you find the newsletter useful (if you choose to subscribe)! As always, feel free to comment here, or on my Facebook business page, LoveOTB.
May your love be as plentiful as you wish!
©2012, Dawn M. Davidson
Note that these entries are all rough drafts, and thus are probably missing things like references. If you know the perfect reference to add, feel free to suggest it! I always like to add to my resource collection.
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