Good Vibrations Logo

Slut Shaming on the Playground (by Airial Clark)

Good Vibrations LogoFrom Airial Clark, blogging at Good Vibes Magazine, comes this AWESOME article on “slut-shaming.” Check out this excerpt, and the whole article at the link:

Slut-Shaming on the Playground

My older son is now 11 and wow… the sex negativity is increasing exponentially. …

This is where it gets interesting for me as a sex positive parent. My son just went from wishing he was sexy to shaming a girl for being just that? I rolled up my sleeves and got ready to do some unpacking. …

“So, it’s obvious I am jealous?” cue the ego deflation.

“Uh, yes. Majorly. You’re anxious about when you’re going to be ready, you’re anxious for a girl to like you, and you’re angry that this person in your class is doing what you can’t, and you’re probably a little pissed that she isn’t doing it with you.” Did I just unpack slut-shaming for the 11 year old? Yes, I think I did. …

I’m learning that what goes down in the dorm room starts on the playground. And mama ain’t havin’ it.

That’s one sexy smart mama, alright, with really important wisdom for all of us:

“you’re angry that this person … is doing what you can’t, and you’re probably a little pissed that [the person you’re shaming] isn’t doing it with you.”

Remember that, the next time someone shames you for “being a slut” –or anything else, really:  It’s very likely they’re actually envious of you!

~♥ Dawn

3 thoughts on “Slut Shaming on the Playground (by Airial Clark)

  1. The MamaSutra

    “Remember that, the next time someone shames you for “being a slut” –or anything else, really: It’s very likely they’re actually envious of you!”

    Totally true! IF you think about the definition of “promiscuous” it’s the same thing…totally subjective and it just means someone who is having more sex than you. 😉

    Fabulous article!
    <3,
    The MamaSutra

    Reply
    1. dawnd Post author

      Thanks for visiting, MamaSutra! I followed your link into FB and Friended you there. I also have a FB page, currently at http://www.facebook.com/LoveOTB . Feel free to check it out.

      It’s interesting to me that you bring up the similarities in definition between “promiscuous” and “slut.” I like looking at words in detail. :^) One might say I’m polylexical.

      “Slut” of course is a classic epithet, meant to shame and denigrate. Not surprisingly, as with the word “queer,” “slut” is one that activists have started to reclaim (e.g., Easton and Hardy’s “The Ethical Slut”). I know I’m still working on de-fanging that one, and it still causes me discomfort to have it applied to me, no matter how factually accurate it might be in terms of only numbers.

      Merriam Webster Online helps explain this shudder on my part, including the meaning “prostitute” alongside of the British “slovenly woman,” and the more common “promiscuous woman.” In the dictionary, apparently, all sluts are women, though in real life I know plenty of men who proudly wear the term. Surprisingly to me, though, Merriam Webster also lists “a saucy girl” or “minx” as an alternate definition, which is far more positive in my mind. So any girl with a bit of moxy is automatically a slut? My, isn’t that interesting!

      Promiscuous, on the other hand, is curiously more clinical and at least equally shaming, at the same time. It’s the word that the academics use when they mean “slut.” Merriam Webster Online gives more “positive” meanings for the word in general, though one of the more negative ones is the one that particularly bothers me: “Indiscriminate.” I think that’s part of why I avoid the term as much as possible. Though I do have more than one lover, I am NOT “indiscriminate”! I choose my lovers very carefully, thankyewverymuch!

      So while common usage usually conflates the two terms, I think I like the secondary meanings of “slut” (saucy!) better than those of “promiscuous” (un-choosy or admitting all comers … so to speak ;^).

      Of course, ultimately, for me, I still prefer “polyamorous,” which at its core means “many loves.” I think that the emphasis on “love” makes it far more accurate for me than any term emphasizing only numbers.

      Thanks again for your comment!

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *