Tag Archives: Canada

TODAY 12/20: HuffPostLive on Polyamory + Other Poly Media

A last-minute heads-up that there will be a segment about Polyamory and the Holidays on HuffingtonPostLive today, Friday 12/20, at 1:40pm Pacific/4:40pm Eastern.  It hasn’t been fully confirmed, but it seems likely that I’ll be one of the speakers on the show, so check it out! The recorded show will be available on the site later, as well.

The topic of the show is what special challenges are faced by polyamorous people during the holidays. For instance, how and when should one come out to family and friends? Before the event? During dinner? What do you do about “plus 1” invitations when you have “plus 2” … or more? How do you handle presents, kids, relatives, and competing invitations? If you spend Christmas with one lover… are you obligated to spend New Years with another?

My contention, while answering pre-show questions was (and is) that in many situations, polyamorous relationships are similar to other sorts of “blended family” relationships. They can have similar challenges and may benefit from similar approaches, such as splitting time between households on various days, or negotiating which partners and family will be at which celebrations, to minimize drama. And of course, talking about things in advance, and making some Agreements is almost always a good idea!

Again, it starts at 1:40pm Pacific time, and is scheduled to run for about 25 minutes. Tune in, and join the conversation!

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sisterwivesIn other news, the decision regarding the Utah Kody Brown (aka “Sister-Wives”) Polygamy case has finally been handed down.  Similarly to the Canadian case two years ago, it looks like the judge has decided that it isn’t illegal to have more than one relationship… just so long as you don’t go seeking any legal recognition for it.

So on the up side, the Browns won’t be prosecuted for their religious marriages, so long as they don’t seek legal any recognition beyond the one existing marriage. That decision should provide some protection — and some precedent — for polyamorous as well as polygamous people in the US.

On the down side however,  in my opinion, is the fact that people in multiple-partner relationships are still being forced into a “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” model of sorts. It seems likely to me that not only adults, but also some children are likely to suffer, since some still may not be able to access needed benefits, falling through the cracks in our rather faulty system of health care, etc. And of course there is still no protection against discrimination against multiple-partner relationships in matters of employment, housing, etc. It’s progress, but we still have a long way to go, clearly.

Still, the ruling shows some progress in acknowledging the existence of multiple-partner households. And the increasing presence of poly topics on fora such as HuffPostLive also demonstrate an increasing awareness of ethically non-monogamous options among the general public. While perhaps not exactly the holiday gifts of our dreams, both are certainly better than a lump of coal in our collective poly stockings. 🙂

Here’s hoping your holidays — whatever form they might take, however many people are present, whatever the religious framework or lack thereof — are as full of warmth and love as you could possibly wish!

~♥ Dawn

PS: Looking for some help in figuring out how to handle your own sticky poly/open situations this holiday season? I’m running some great Winter Specials on my individual and group coaching. Get up to 50% off time with me! But act soon… the extra low package deals end when the ball drops for the new year!

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PPS: Still looking for that special something as a gift for lovers, friends… or yourself? 😉 Check out the selection of t-shirts, mugs, and other goodies in my Love OTB Zazzle store. Use code BE4CHRISTMAS for 50% off express shipping! (ends Sunday)

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[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

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Polygamy: A Cruel Arithmetic?

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Heads-up, in particular to my Canadian poly* friends! Columbia Attorney General Craig Jones, who was the province’s representative in the polygamy law constitutional court case, has written a book about polygamy, released a few days ago:

“A Cruel Arithmetic describes how the author’s own views evolved from scepticism to a committed belief in the campaign against polygamy. This book is also an invitation to Canadians across political, philosophical, and religious spectrums to exercise their curiosity, approach the issue with an open mind, and follow along as the evidence converges to its powerful and surprising conclusion.”

http://www.irwinlaw.com/store/product/702/a-cruel-arithmetic–inside-the-case-against-polygamy

[Thanks to Carole Chanteuse of the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association for the tip in email.]

My own personal opinion here, is that the conclusion is not surprising at all. Unfortunately, this inability to distinguish between a valid, loving, alternative relationship style, vs. splinter groups based in patriarchy and abuse, seems rampant amongst those invested in the monogamous status quo as the only option for everyone (with absolutely no offense meant to the many thoughtful monogamous allies out there!)

The UUPA (Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness) have posted what I feel is a pretty good description of the distinctions between Polyamory and Polygamy, by Jasmine Walton. One of her main conclusions is:

Abuse must be dealt with separately from family structure. As in monogamous families, only sensational abuse makes the headlines. Polygamous families don’t want to be defined by the offenders in their communities any more than the rest of us do.

Sadly (in my opinion), Jones and others of like mind seem unable to grasp this essential point.

What do you think about all of this? Are polygamy and polyamory the same thing, or radically different?  … or some of each? Does polygamy lead inexorably to one man and many women, or might there be other ways to have multiple spouses? Are multiple-partner families necessarily headed for abuse… and/or perdition?

As always, I welcome discussion and commentary, either here, or on my FB Page, Love Outside The Box.

~♥ Dawn

PS: If you’d like to discuss this more privately (or any topic related to polyamory or other forms of ethical multi-partnering), you can drop me a line to ask for your own free 30-minute (or half-price 60 minute) session. I’m always happy to help others chart their own ways to their own best life and loves.

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©2012, Dawn M. Davidson

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Polys Between Rock and Hard Place, Canadian-Style

oday’s the big day that we’ve all been waiting for, for months, the day of the decision whether to uphold the Canadian anti-polygamy law.  Sadly, the news is very much NOT good for the polyamorous folks in Canada (and by extension and example, for anyone else): the judge upheld the law.  You can read a good analysis over in Alan’s Polyamory In the News blog: Polyamory in the News: Canadian Judge Upholds Anti-Polygamy Law. The ruling is extremely confusing, and discussion has been hot and heavy on many poly lists all day. The general conclusion, however, is that it is certainly not GOOD news for polyamorists.  Continue reading