ife has been interesting for me in the past month. There’s been a lot of personal poly shifting in my world, especially in the past week, as I’ve been moving one of my partners into my house on something of a trial basis. This change has necessitated a lot of cleaning, sorting, and moving of things, which has had some amazing results in the real world (I’m seeing parts of my front yard that have been hidden for a decade!), but that has come at the expense of my posting to this blog. My apologies for my slowness at updating. While I prepare some more of my own work to be posted, here’s a Guest Post, by fellow Poly Leadership Network member Kelly Cookson, on that favorite topic of polyamorous people everywhere: Managing Jealousy. Kelly has graciously allowed me to crosspost his message from the PLN list to here, so I can share it with all of you. (Thanks, Kelly!)
I was particularly taken by this succinct summation of the overall technique that both Kelly and presenters Dan & dawn [WARNING! link to their webpage is NOT safe for work!] all suggest:
(a) accept that you sometimes have jealous thoughts and feelings, (b) realize that you have the ability to break the link between those negative thoughts and feelings and the way you actually behave, and (c) behave in a manner consistent with your values as a polyamorist and relationship partner–regardless of whatever thoughts or feelings you might be experiencing. Over time, you find yourself struggling less and less with jealousy, and having more and more satisfying interactions with your partners.
This strikes me as excellent advice, and consistent with my own experiences around jealousy. Follow beyond the cut to read Kelly’s complete post, and see the several books he recommends as support for this information. You can find more resources in my Resources tab to the right, as well.
Thanks for reading. I hope your Holidays so far have been full of Gratitude, and continue to be replete with Love!
PS: If you’re looking for some more personal help working through your own (or your partners’!) jealousy issues, I do private coaching for singles, couples, and “moreples.” Call or email to set up a time for a free mini-session, to see if working with me is right for you. :^) I can work by phone, Skype/Google as well as in person in the Bay Area.