Tag Archives: Jealousy

Rocky Mountain Poly Living

Join me in Colorado! RM Poly Living May 8-10, 2015

I’m so excited to invite you to join me next weekend, May 8 – 10, in Colorado at Rocky Mountain Poly Living. We’ll convene at the Ramada Plaza Hotel in North Denver for a fabulous weekend of fun, networking, education, and socializing!

CunningMinxPolyamory Weekly Podcast legend Cunning Minx will be giving the keynote speech on Friday, followed by a fun Bohemian Nights Dance (both are included with your full weekend registration.) Continue reading

Got Jealousy? Join Me at Conferences & Workshops!

Happy Valentine’s Day (almost)!  I’ll be presenting 4 times in the SF Bay Area this coming week. Perhaps you can join me at one or more events? It’s not too late!  List up front; longer descriptions below:

Continue reading

balance

Balancing: Depression, Anxiety, Aliveness… and Polyamory?

What is Aliveness, and How Does It Relate to Depression, Anxiety… and Polyamory?

“Aliveness is composed of one part energy, one part emotion, one part meaning, one part engagement, and one part relatedness. For aliveness to be in balance, each of these five components of aliveness must be in balance as well.”
— Steve Bearman, founder of the Interchange Counseling Institute, in http://www.interchangecounseling.com/blog/depression-anxiety-and-the-mismanagement-of-aliveness/

The article is a bit long, but well worth a look, in my opinion. 🙂

As Steve Bearman points out — and is so often the case — balance is the key. In your life, how do YOU bring yourself into balance?

And because this is a blog about polyamory (and other forms of outside-the-box relationships), I’m curious to know:

Do your poly/open relationships tend to bring you INTO, or OUT OF balance and aliveness?

For me, polyamory is key to my meaning and relatedness, in particular, as well as — when things are going well — bringing me energy, positive emotion, and engagement.  When things are going poorly, however, poly-drama can rapidly suck my energy, and cause swirls of negative emotion. It has the possibility to either enhance, or detract from, my life overall, depending on my ability to stay in balance. Continue reading

Green First Aid Kit

TODAY! Highlights of Loving More 2012 Survey, 6pm Pacific

Hey folks!  Check out this interesting Webinar from the folks who conducted the Loving More/NCSF Internet survey of self-identified polyamorous people!

October 17, 2013. 6:00PM Pacific*
Highlights of Loving More Polyamory Survey with
Jim Fleckenstein and Derrell W. Cox II, MA

From February 10th to April 2nd 2012, Loving More, with the endorsement of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) conducted an internet-based survey of over 4000 participants who self-identify as polyamorous. This is the largest survey of self-identified polyamorous individuals to date. Individuals were recruited through local and regional listserves, Loving More email list, the PolyResearchers list, the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality’s (IASHS) student and alumni lists, and the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists’ (AASECT) AltSex list. With the exception of five questions, all the questions were drawn from among those asked in the NORC’s[1] biennial General Social Survey (GSS) in order to compare a sample of the polyamory community with the general US adult population.

This free Webinar is a chance to learn about the survey results firsthand and includes 30 minute Q&A at the end.

Space is limited – Click here to register now.

This is a free webinar and space is limited  Click here to register now.
*Time listed is Mountain Time which is 9pm East Coast, 8pm Central and 6pm Pacific.

Presenters of the Loving More Survey Highlights:

Jim Fleckenstein

  • JimFOwner, The Earth Moved, LLC
  • Co-Editor, What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory (2009, 2012)
  • Presenter at six AASECT/SSSS conferences

Derrell W. Cox II, MA

  • DerrellDoctoral Candidate, Department of Anthropology, University of Oklahoma
  • Presenter at several international scientific conferences in sexuality and in childhood development

This is a free webinar and space is limited  Click here to register now.

*7pm Mountain Time, which is 9pm East Coast, 8pm Central and 6pm Pacific.

Also, don’t miss the 3rd and FINAL free teleseminar on Jealousy that I’m doing with Kathy Labriola, next Monday, October 21st at 5:45pm Pacific.

Green First Aid KitGreen First Aid KitGreen First Aid Kit

“More Options for More Jealousy” is ANOTHER all new call, featuring a new relaxation meditation, more models and options for dealing with jealousy, and a step-by step process for examining your beliefs and fears around your jealousy triggers.  We’d love to have you join us! (or, if you can’t be on the call live, sign up anyway, and get the recording and the FREE “take home materials”!)

Hope you can make it to both of these interesting calls!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  Can’t make the calls live?  That’s OK!  Sign up anyway, because both of these WILL BE RECORDED.

Click here to register for “More Options for More Jealousy,” Monday Oct 21st at 5:45pm Pacific

Click here to register for TODAY’s “Highlights of the Loving More/NCSF 2012 Survey” at 6pm Pacific

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

 

Green First Aid Kit

Is Jealousy Ever a GOOD Thing?

Hey polyamorous and open people, what do you think?  Is feeling jealousy ever a “good thing?” What do “feelings of jealousy” mean to you? or about you? Check out the letter below from one of my readers, and my response, for some more thoughts on this topic.

Dear Dawn:writing icon

I hope this is quick.   I don’t feel I have any place in a jealousy workshop, because I don’t see myself ever feeling jealous, because I think jealousy has to do with feeling upset because I’m not getting attention I feel is owed to me, and I don’t feel anyone owes me, or would ever owe me, attention.  Is that a sign of low self-esteem?  That is, is feeling jealous when one’s beloved gives attention to someone else ever a good thing?  Thanks!

signed, KW

Hi KW:

Jealousy is neither good nor bad.  It just IS.  It’s a collection of feelings, and those feelings are *information.*  What you do with the information is up to you, ultimately (though for some folks, it doesn’t feel like it.)  If you feel “jealous” when your lover gives attention to someone else, in my view that means it’s a signal that there’s something there for YOU to pay attention to.  Ask yourself questions like “what need do I have that feels like it’s not getting met (enough)?” “has my ‘love tank’ gotten filled enough recently, and if not, what could I possibly ask for (not demand!) that might have me feel more loved and more at ease with my partner?”  It’s not about your partner “owing” you attention — it’s about you and your partner/s having a “winning relationship” in which the *relationship* wins because everyone’s needs are getting met, and everyone in the relationship feels like they’re “winning” (i.e., getting what they need in a win-win-win… manner.)

I think you might find the teleseminars interesting and thought-provoking, so I’d encourage you to sign up, and get the handouts at least. And if you listen to the recordings, you will hear some nice “relaxation meditations” by Kathy, and also get other people’s definitions of jealousy (they’re not all the same as yours!)  I’d also encourage you to buy the “beta” version of my KISSable Agreements book (if you haven’t yet), wherein I discuss the win-win-win model I mentioned above. The ideas work well together, and in that book I walk you through a process of discovering your own (and maybe your partners’) needs.

Hope that was a helpful response!

Thanks for writing!


Dawn

Here’s wishing you few jealous moments, lots of compersion, and happy relationships!
Because no matter who or how many you love…Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

Green First Aid KitGreen First Aid KitGreen First Aid KitPS: Have you signed up for the 3rd and final teleseminar with Kathy Labriola and myself, on Monday October 21st at 5:45 – 7pm Pacific Time?  Called “More Options for More Jealousy,” this is ANOTHER all new call, feature a new relaxation meditation, more models and options for dealing with jealousy, and a step-by step process for examining your beliefs and fears around your jealousy triggers.  We’d love to have you join us! (or, if you can’t be on the call live, sign up anyway, and get the recording and the FREE “take home materials”!)

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

Green First Aid Kit

MORE Jealousy First Aid! TODAY, 9/19 at 2:15pm Pacific

Green First Aid KitGreen First Aid Kit

 

Hey folks!  I’m excited!  Kathy Labriola and I are presenting an ALL-NEW teleseminar called MORE Jealousy First Aid.  It’s TODAY, Sept. 19th at 2:15pm Pacific Time.

That teleseminar that Kathy Labriola and I did September 4th was a whole lot of fun! If you haven’t listened to it yet, you can listen to it streaming on the web right below:

Listen to “Jealousy First Aid” — Teleseminar from 9/4/13:

Or listen by phone: dial 1-712-432-3131 and enter Recording ID: 85925220 when prompted. (Get the “free take home materials” by signing up here. You’ll get an email with the above instructions, plus links to download the handouts.)

After the last call, we heard from a number of you that you’d like even MORE techniques — more ways to help deal with jealousy in the moment, and especially more ways to help not only yourself, but also your partner/s. So we think you’ll be happy to know that we are doing another free call on dealing with jealousy!

Thursday September 19th, 2013,
at 2:15 – 3:30pm Pacific

This will be a whole new call, facilitated by Dawn Davidson and Kathy Labriola, two well-known polyamory educators and counselors in the San Francisco Bay Area.

During this class, we’ll review the basics of what jealousy is and why we experience it, and then move on to several NEW techniques to help you navigate these tricky waters. Kathy will help you to identify and change some of the core beliefs that may be fueling your jealousy, and Dawn will lead you through a “trance rehearsal” to help you deal more effectively with jealousy-provoking situations in the future. We’ll also discuss the concept of compersion, and offer up a few ideas for the non-jealous partner, as well as for the person experiencing the jealousy. This teleseminar will again be participatory and will include a Question and Answer period as well as NEW take-home materials for continued learning!
RSVP today for MORE Jealousy First Aid, and get some great information and tips from not just one but TWO experts on riding the Green Wave of Jealousy!

Kathy and I can’t wait for you to join our next call!

…because no matter who or how many you love… Love is ALWAYS OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  Have you checked out the “beta version” of my KISSable Agreements Workbook?  It’s available now from my website for only $10!

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

(Over-)Communicate, Communicate, Communicate?

Communication

The poly mantra, as they say, is “Communicate, communicate, communicate,” hereinafter represented as “C^3” for brevity in this article. 🙂  We all know (or we learn quickly), that polymory and open relationships take a LOT of communicating.  In fact, a therapist friend of mine, Cat Maness, said yesterday, that her top 5 skills for poly/open relationships are:

  1. Communicate
  2. Communicate
  3. Communicate
  4. Communicate
  5. Scheduling

And I’ll add that the most common thing to communicate about is… scheduling!  We do a lot of talking and writing around here. It’s just part of the process.

That said, there comes a time when some folks feel that C^3 is OVER-communicating.  Recently, for instance, in publicizing the second workshop I’m doing with Kathy Labriola, MORE Jealousy First Aid, I sent out a couple of invites, and Kathy send out an invite, and at least some people on both lists have started to feel like it’s OVER-communicating.  (Theoretically, having Infusionsoft is supposed to help with this, but I’m such  relative n00b at it that I’m still figuring out how to use all the fancy bells and whistles.) The fact, is though, that one person’s “communicating” is another person’s “OVER-communicating.”  People have different preferences, and different levels of comfort with communication.  And that’s natural, too.

One way you can mitigate the mismatches in communication styles is, of course, to make some Agreements about them. 🙂 Here’s where you might want to check into my newly-available “beta” version of my KISSable Agreements Workbook, or to check out Cat Maness’ online Agreement generator.

Another thing to remember, is that sometimes someone may be “over-communicating,” because they aren’t getting a “handshake” from you. There may be a simple fix in making a specific, verbal acknowledgement of the message received. Then they can rest assured that you’ve received the message, and can stop delivering it “just in case you haven’t.”

What’s your comfort level with communication?  Do you believe in C^3? Or do you have other ideas about communication? No matter what, I hope your communications are helpful in whatever sort of relationship/s you have. Because no matter who or how many you love…

Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  Watch for more from both me and Cat Maness, by the way. We’ve got some collaboration in the works for world domination, er… helping everyone we can through consciously co-created Agreements. 😀

PPS: I’m out of town this weekend, teaching at the Church of All Worlds Conclave in Cotati. If you decide to purchase my KISSable Agreements Workbook beta version, it might take me an extra day or two to get it to you. I will do so, never fear!

PPPS: If you can’t be on the live call for the MORE Jealousy First Aid Workshop, don’t worry.  Sign up anyway! You’ll get information on how to access the recording later. 🙂

 

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

Green First Aid Kit

Got Jealousy? Get First Aid!

Green First Aid KitHello, all you poly/open folks!

Have you or someone you love ever experienced painful episodes of jealousy in an open relationship?  You know the ones… maybe you feel alternately cold, and hot, and like you want to do damage to the furniture, or your partner, or maybe even yourself.  You want to scream, and feel like this poly/open stuff is just too hard, and you just want to throw in the towel and give up. Ever felt like that?

Yeah, me too! And honestly, who hasn’t? (Well, ok, maybe you haven’t, but if so, I’ll bet your partners have! And that’s not fun either.) Jealousy is all too common, and it’s never fun. Would you be willing to invest about an hour of your time in order to learn effective, practical in-the-moment techniques to reduce these jealous feelings — even as they are happening?

If so, then you”ll want to register for our free teleseminar:                                           

“JEALOUSY FIRST AID”       

Wednesday Sept 4, 2013, at 5:45 to 7pm

This free teleseminar will be facilitated by Dawn Davidson and Kathy Labriola, two well-known polyamory educators and counselors in the San Francisco Bay Area. Understand your jealousy, and learn and practice two very effective exercises to manage your jealousy in this short and powerful class!

During this class, Kathy will help you to create and understand “Your Personal Jealousy Pie Chart” to reduce the fear, anger, and sadness of jealousy. Dawn will lead you through her “Juggling for Idiots” jealousy exercise using a simple modified-EMDR technique that anyone can use to get immediate relief from an acute jealousy episode. This teleseminar will be participatory and will include a Question and Answer period as well as valuable take-home materials for continued learning!
RSVP today for Jealousy First Aid, and get some great information and tips from not just one but TWO experts on de-fanging the green-eyed monster!

Kathy and I can’t wait for you to join our call!

…because no matter who or how many you love… Love is ALWAYS OK!

~ Dawn

Dawn icon portraitDawn Davidson
http://www.loveoutsidethebox.com
loveotb@gmail.com
510-686-3386

kathyLabriolaKathy Labriola, Counselor/Nurse
anarchofeminist@yahoo.com
(510)841-5307
http://www.kathylabriola.com
Pre-order the NEW “The Jealousy Workbook”!

PS:  Having trouble with the signup form, or just want to talk to a human being first?  You can also contact Dawn at LoveOTB@gmail.com, 510-686-3386; or Kathy at anarchofeminist@yahoo.com, or (510)841-5307.

PPS:  Don’t suffer longer than you need to!  RSVP today for Jealousy First Aid!
https://di986.infusionsoft.com/app/form/jfa-event-sign-up

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

Love In Abundance: A Book Review

kathyLabriolaHave you checked out the awesome book by Kathy Labriola, Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships?  Here’s what I said about it on Amazon the other day:
This review is from: Love In Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice On Open Relationships [Paperback] [2010] (Author) Kathy Labriola (Paperback)

Kathy Labriola’s book, “Love In Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships” is a great contribution to the literature on polyamorous and/or open relationships. She gives excellent advice garnered from her extensive counseling experience, and backs up her recommendations with clear, helpful examples. Her topics are helpful and interesting, running the gamut from communication advice to suggestions for how to deal with jealousy, and much more. One especially unusual and helpful aspect to the book, in my opinion, is Labriola’s commitment to sexual orientation inclusiveness. In her relationship examples, she seamlessly includes same-sex relationships as well as heterosexual ones. She discusses several kinds of relationship formations as well, and not just the “usual” heterosexual, primary-secondary/hierarchical model.

On the not-so-perfect side, some people have found her section on advice about communication between men and women to be a bit “gender-essentialist,” and others find her advice in general to be somewhat “basic.” I myself think she has observed some true patterns over the years regarding communication between men and women, and has some good communication advice that isn’t limited to relationships between the gender binary, nor to any particular style of relating. I also find her advice to be grounded in reality, and a gentler introduction to the concepts than some of the books that came before.

I highly recommend this book to my clients and other people interested in polyamorous/open relationships. I think it fits in nicely, filling the gaps between the groundbreaking Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits : Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships by Deborah Anapol, and the book touted for years as the “poly bible,” The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Not as radical as Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines For Responsible Open Relationships by Wendy-O Matik and far less dense than Ravencroft’s Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful, I think this book is a solid guide in an often confusing territory, especially helpful to those completely new to the concepts.

Highly recommended for relationship explorers of any sort, and a must-have for any counseling professional who serves these communities.

By the way, did you know Kathy is releasing a new book in September? It’s the Jealousy Workbook, and it looks like another fabulous resource.  I have a small part in it too, with one of my Tools for “Riding the Green Wave” published in the section called “Ask the Experts.”  Hooray! The new book isn’t available yet, but you can pre-order it directly from Kathy.

Green First Aid KitAlso, Kathy and I are hosting a Teleseminar called Jealousy First Aid, on September 4th, at 5:45pm Pacific Time.  I’ll be doing a more formal announcement of that soon, but in the meantime, I’ve just finished the web-form to sign up, so if you’d like to get started, feel free to fill out this form, and get on the list! (And please do let me know if the form doesn’t work right or something; this is the first time I’ve used this program to do this, so I’m a little nervous about it working!)

Here’s hoping all your relationships are going along swimmingly this summer!

~♥ Dawn

PS: Interested in talking to me directly about your jealousy or other poly/open issues? I’m happy to do a free 30 minute, or a 1/2 price 60 minute phone session with you. And through the end of August, I’m still running my summer special, so you can save over 30% on a package! Contact me via my webform, Or call me (510-686-3386) to set up a time to talk!

 

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

 

 

 

Relationship 10x by Reid Mihalko

Relationship Tuneups: FREE Webinar with Reid, PLUS Dawn’s Coaching SALE

Relationship 10x by Reid Mihalko

Hey everyone!  I’m in Memphis, visiting my family. Mostly we’ve done ok so far, despite some of the usual communication challenges.  After all, they say your family knows just how to push your buttons… because they installed them!! If you’re having something like that experience as well, you might want to check out this free Relationship10x video from Reid Mihalko [TOMORROW December 27th at 8:30pm EST/5:30Pacific]. He’s got some great tips for better relationships, including not only your romantic relationships, but also the ones with your family. You can read lots more about the webinar below!

Don’t forget, too, that I’m still running some specials on my own 1:1 coaching. Call (510-686-3386) or email me to take advantage of my coaching package deal ($100 off of 4 hours of individual coaching), before I raise my rates on January 1st Not sure? Drop me a line and we’ll set up a time to do a free 30 minute consultation. In that thirty minutes, I’ll help you get clear on your next steps, as well as to send you my Jealousy Judo handout, just for spending the time with me. Whether you end up working with me, taking advantage of Reid’s snazzy new program, or something else, I’m committed to you getting what you need to create your own best life and relationships!

Hope your holidays are filled with all the love you want and need (and your relatives aren’t driving you TOO crazy! ;^)

~♥ Dawn

PS: I’m an affiliate of Reid’s, so if you choose to purchase something from him, I’ll get a percentage.  I never recommend anything I don’t think is truly worth your time and money, however, and Reid (and this program) is certainly no exception.  I wish I’d known some of his information YEARS ago! Check it out!

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How To Smoothly Relieve Conflict, Add Ease, and Invite Fun in Your Relationships While Juggling a Busy Life, Job, and Family
with Reid Mihalko of Relationship10x
December 27th at 8:30pm EST

Is your relationship out of tune? Are you feeling all the bumps and dips this holiday season?

Want to “pull over” and fix it, but you just can’t find the time?

It’s amazing how small changes in the right places can make the ride SO much nicer! If you could clear up that background buzz on the radio, restock the wiper fluid, and get the heater working in your car, the trip could go from annoying and wearing to enjoyable and relaxing! But when you’re juggling a busy life, it’s next to impossible to find the time, so you grin and bare it till the car breaks down and you HAVE TO.

The same is true for relationships. You may be out of alignment. Some old issues might be creating a lot of resentment and background noise, you may not be seeing everything clearly, and it may be getting pretty frosty… even downright frigid in the bedroom, but we grin and bare it with the best of intentions… Until it all explodes. And then it’s often too late to salvage anything and we scap the entire thing!

It doesn’t have to be that way. Ask yourself, Isn’t it time for a Relationship Tune-Up?

Why not exit 2012 and pull into 2013 with a smoother “relationship ride”…

If you’d like to learn how to warm things up and create more ease and laughter in your relationships, join Reid Mihalko, founder of Relationship10x, for an hour of easy to impliment and practical upgrades. You’ll love Reid’s humor and down-to-earth approach as he shares unexpected and powerful approaches that really work.

The best part is, the tools he teaches take very little time to use. In fact, you’ll find your life moving along with lots less friction and wear-and-tear!

On the call, Reid will cover:
– Three things you can do to lessen conflict in your day to day relationships (A.K.A. – What to do to get your partner to stop yelling at you!)
– Two common mistakes people make in their relationships that’s making them unnecessarily difficult.
– Why long term relationships are so difficult to keep “alive,” and the #1 thing you can do to reignite the feelings of passion, romance and FUN again!

PLUS: The difference between “erotic turn-on” and “sensual turn-on,” and how knowing the difference between the two can improve your bedroom experiences for all parties involved 10x!

If you’re tired of struggling along, feeling frustrated and lonely, spend an hour with Reid and discover the wonder of deep connection and authentic conversation. You deserve it. Your family deserves it. Give yourself this gift this holiday season and rediscover magic and delight in your relationships again.

Sign Up Now!
http://www.reidmihalko.com/link.php?af=1507864&u=www.relationship10x.com/fe/37693-r10-free-webinar

 

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2012 Dawn M. Davidson, except copy about Reid’s Webinar, which belongs to Reid!]