Tag Archives: Jealousy

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Poly As ID; Poly Living 2013; Harvard OKs Kink Club on Campus

Following on the discussions about polyamory as identity (or not): Dan Savage posted a few good comments from poly folk who believe that it’s possible to identify as poly and/or have poly as an orientation. Dan’s ability to take a step back and say “hey, I might be wrong here” is a big part of why many folks I know (me included) don’t just write him off altogether (despite some serious concerns about potential bigotry). Not sure he’s exactly saying that here, but at least he’s admitting that there might be another perspective, so that’s progress.

Poly Living 2013 banner

8th Annual Poly Living Conference, Feb 8-10, 2013

While I”m here, I’ll share the link to information about the upcoming Poly Living Conference in Philadelphia, February 8-10, 2013. They’ve got a great line-up of speakers, including a Keynote from Kamala Devi, lately one of the stars of the Showtime series “Polyamory: Married and Dating.”  Other presenters include Bay Area local Charles August, as well as a stellar line-up of presenters from around the country. Especially if you’re on the East Coast, you’ll want to consider attending this great conference.

And did you see the recent news from Harvard?  They’ve allowed an official Kink club on campus! I think this is great news for the wider world of alternative sexuality, and sex-positivity. For me, it begs the question, however, of whether polyamory is a “kink” at least for the purposes of this club?  What do you think?  Feel free to comment here, in private mail, or in my Facebook!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  Got Jealousy? Schedule a 1/2 hour free consultation with me, and get my Jealousy Judo pdf of tools to use to manage jealousy in yourself.  Because jealousy is no fun!

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[© 2012 Dawn M. Davidson]

East Bay Poly Potluck Logo

Got Jealousy?? Downloadable pdf Available!

East Bay Poly Potluck Logo

painting by Cathy Smiler

Early last week, at the East Bay Poly Potluck and Discussion Group, I led a discussion on the topic of various tools and techniques for managing feelings of jealousy.  It was a lively discussion, with a lot of interesting ideas generated and shared.  In particular, I handed out a few copies of a few tools that I developed when I was still working with my almost-ex.  Technology has been being a bit challenging for me lately, and I’d been unable to turn out updated copies to hand out that evening… nor, in fact, was I event able to print duplicates of the old copies!  Frustration abounded that evening. After some concerted effort, however, I’ve finally managed to coax my various pieces of technology into giving me a useable pdf with updated contact inf0rmation.  Hooray!  Here’s the text of the form, with a link, if you’re interested in getting a copy of it mailed directly to your own inbox:

Do jealous feelings have you or your partner/s feeling overwhelmed, sick, or just a bit GREEN? Good News! If you can name your feelings, you can start to get a handle on them. Get this free Jealousy Diagnostic Tool to help you identify which 40 possible jealousy triggers in 11 categories are turning you green!

Hope your relationships all go as smoothly as might be, and that you manage to “ride the green wave” without too many wipeouts! ;^)

~♥ Dawn

♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥∞♥

©2012, Dawn M. Davidson

Guest Blogger Kelly on More Jealousy Resources

Capital letter "L"ife has been interesting for me in the past month.  There’s been a lot of personal poly shifting in my world, especially in the past week, as I’ve been moving one of my partners into my house on something of a trial basis. This change has necessitated a lot of cleaning, sorting, and moving of things, which has had some amazing results in the real world (I’m seeing parts of my front yard that have been hidden for a decade!), but that has come at the expense of my posting to this blog.  My apologies for my slowness at updating.  While I prepare some more of my own work to be posted, here’s a Guest Post, by fellow Poly Leadership Network member Kelly Cookson, on that favorite topic of polyamorous people everywhere: Managing Jealousy. Kelly has graciously allowed me to crosspost his message from the PLN list to here, so I can share it with all of you. (Thanks, Kelly!)

I was particularly taken by this succinct summation of the overall technique that both Kelly and presenters Dan & dawn [WARNING! link to their webpage is NOT safe for work!] all suggest:

(a) accept that you sometimes have jealous thoughts and feelings, (b) realize that you have the ability to break the link between those negative thoughts and feelings and the way you actually behave, and (c) behave in a manner consistent with your values as a polyamorist and relationship partner–regardless of whatever thoughts or feelings you might be experiencing. Over time, you find yourself struggling less and less with jealousy, and having more and more satisfying interactions with your partners.

This strikes me as excellent advice, and consistent with my own experiences around jealousy. Follow beyond the cut to read Kelly’s complete post, and see the several books he recommends as support for this information.  You can find more resources in my Resources tab to the right, as well.

Thanks for reading.  I hope your Holidays so far have been full of Gratitude, and continue to be replete with Love!

 ~♥ Dawn

PS: If you’re looking for some more personal help working through your own (or your partners’!) jealousy issues, I do private coaching for singles, couples, and “moreples.” Call or email to set up a time for a free mini-session, to see if working with me is right for you. :^) I can work by phone, Skype/Google as well as in person in the Bay Area.

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