Tag Archives: media

three wedding rings with the caption "Love Multiplied"

Are we next? Polyamory & Marriage Equality

With last week’s Supreme Court decision to make same-sex marriage legal across all 50 US states (or, as I’ve heard it said, “Fifty States of Gay!” 😉 ), we of the Poly Leadership Network have been deluged with questions, most asking some variant of “Is plural marriage next?”

Poly people have long known that we’re “the bottom of the slippery slope” according to the conservative right.  Lumping the right to marry multiple spouses in with child abuse, marrying livestock, and other extreme and unwelcome cases has been a favorite tactic of those trying to shut down the push toward “gay marriage.”  But now that we’re here, and the “unthinkable” has happened, is legalization of multi-partner marriage actually “next on the agenda” for poly people in the US? Continue reading

LOVE

Who’s in YOUR family?

Who gets to decide who is in your family?  In the US at least, the answer to that in many cases is… NOT you!  The definition of family is determined at a legal level for a variety of purposes, such as healthcare benefits and hospital visitation. Many of these issues, of course, have been at the heart of the fight over same sex marriage rights.

Now, a family in Connecticut find themselves on the forefront of another aspect of this fight over the definition of “family,” that of zoning laws and housing rights.

What About the Children? Cover of Loving More Magazine #37

Poly and Child Custody Nightmares: Links and Advice

A month or two ago, I was contacted by some folks who are actually going through a common poly nightmare, at least for parents: A contentious custody battle in which one parent is accused of being a bad parent “because they are polyamorous.” It’s a nightmare in part because there have been some notorious cases in which a family has lost custody of their kids due at least in part to their being polyamorous. This sort of thing varies a LOT by location, and at least as much by the particular judge/s hearing the case. Even when polyamory is brought up as an issue, it does not always (or even often) lead to a loss of custody. But when it’s you and your family undergoing the scrutiny, the situation can be frankly terrifying.

I know this from personal experience, because about a decade ago my own daughter was taken by Child Protective Services (aka CPS) — for a situation that was ultimately unrelated to polyamory, but we didn’t know that at the time. She was eventually returned to us after a harrowing week, once they’d determined that their abuse fears were groundless. It was, however, an experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and it has had lasting impacts on our daughter and our family. 🙁

Thus, I was very motivated to provide as much help as possible. I started by sending a couple of links, and then went on to write a detailed letter of some possible issues that might come up, and some possible responses to each one.  I asked for and received permission to post the letter (devoid of identifying information of course.)

It is with great sincerity that I hope that no one reading these words ever has need of the advice and links I’ve included below. And it is for those few of you who might ever need these links that I share this information now. If you are going through something like this, please remember:

No matter who or how many you love, Love is ALWAYS ok.

~♥ Dawn

telephone_bluePS: Would you like to talk to me privately about issues around polyamory and/or child custody? I’m happy to schedule a time to talk to you. I do 30 minutes for free, or 60 minutes for 1/2 price. Contact me, and we’ll find a good time to chat by phone or Skype!

 

Letter to Polyamorous Parents Facing a Child Custody Battle

Dear [poly parents]:

Let me start by saying that I am so sorry that you all are facing this sort of prejudice.  It’s terrible, and I know how very challenging it can be.  (((hugs)))

Continue reading

Myths of Monog. & Nuclear Family: Thurs 10/16/14, 7pm Mtn

Exploring the Myths of Monogamy & the Nuclear Family
(a Teleseminar 10/14/16)

Loving More Non-profit, the longest-running organization supporting polyamory and relationship choice, is running a series of teleseminars. Their next one is this Thursday 10/16/14, at 7pm Mountain time /6pm Pacific/ 9pm Eastern. Robyn Trask — host and head of Loving More — is thoughtful and experienced.  I recommend her highly!

Read the whole announcement on the Loving More Website

October 16, 2014. 7:00PM (Mountain Time)
Exploring the Myths of Monogamy & the Nuclear Family
Cost is $5, Free for Loving More Members
(see below for details)

 Register Now


Are monogamy and the nuclear family really based on inherent human nature? Is the common narrative of male paternity certainty and female security real? This presentation draws strongly from the works of Merlin Stone (When God Was A Woman), Riane Eisler (Sacred Pleasure: Sex, Myth, and the Politics of the Body) and the NY Times Bestselling book by Ryan and Jethá, Sex at Dawn. We will look at the flaws inherent in the study of ancient cultures and sexuality, as well as the possibility of mistakes in the common narrative of sexuality derived from mid-nineteenth century scientists and anthropologists. Sex, power, culture; how are these things linked? Patriarchal culture, religion and morality have greatly influenced the common narrative of sexuality and human relations, but are these narratives accurate? We will explore how these narratives have contributed to a disconnect for many with human sexual nature and contributed to many of the challenges inherent in modern relationships and “battle of the sexes,” as well as ways to see our species in a different light.

Presented by: Robyn Trask

Cost:  Live or recorded webinar is $5, Free for Loving More Donor/Members*

It is best to register ahead of time for the webinar. A recording will be available after the webinar (usually by the next day). We recommend people use the call-in by phone option, instead of using your computer, when joining the live meeting as you will get considerably better sound quality.  Space is limited – Click here to register now.

* All webinars are free to Loving More Donor/Members, contact Loving More directly for access code for the webinar.

Email Robyn@LoveMore.com, please include type of membership, annual or monthly, and specific webinar you wish to participate in or view. 

Miss the webinar? Listen later!

Webinars can be attended live and are also recorded to be viewed at your convenience. Live attendees will have the opportunity to ask questions at the end of the webinar.

Check out past webinars available on the Loving More website!

Past Titles include:

Polyamorous Families and Children
Loving More Survey Highlights
Jealousy: A Journey of Personal Growth
Polyamory Etiquette: The Do’s and Don’ts of Polyamory Dating and Relating
Negotiating Boundaries and Polyamorous Relationship Agreements
Beyond Monogamy? Introduction to Polyamory and other Open Relationship Choices
8 Keys to Successful Polyamorous Relating

Loving More Members contact Robyn@lovemore.com for access codes to past webinars with a fee. Please include webinar title and type of membership (monthly or annual).

Hope you can listen in, because…

No matter who or how many you love, Love is ALWAYS ok!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  Like Teleseminars?  Check out the Jealousy First Aid series that I did last fall with Kathy Labriola!  TIP: Don’t forget to sign up to get the Free Handouts. 🙂

Green First Aid KitJealousy First Aid (JFA #1)
MORE Jealousy First Aid (JFA #2)
More Options for More Jealousy (JFA #3)

 

 

5 Ways to Meet Open-Hearted People

Ever wonder how to meet other polyamorous, open, or ethically non-monogamous people?  Feel like you must be the only “weirdo” in the country?  Wish there were a way to connect with people in person… or conversely do you wish there were a way to find out more about this “new” lifestyle without leaving your living room?  Well, congratulations, you’re in luck!

As a person with access to the Internet (which you must be if you’re reading these words), you have access to some of the most powerful tools there are to connect with other people, and learn about this collection of lifestyles that can loosely be grouped under the heading of “ethical non-monogamy,” “open-relationships,” and/or “polyamory.” (Not sure what these words mean? Check out this past article on my blog, where I discuss some of the differences, and what it means — in MY opinion, anyway! — to be “polyamorous.“) The Internet has had a truly profound effect on our culture, as it has allowed a way for people to fairly easily locate other people of like-mind.

5 Ways to Meet Polyamorous/Open People

In this series, I’m going to discuss 5 different ways you can learn more about these sorts of relationships, and/or meet other people who are interested in the same things … and might even want to date you!

1) Conferences — one-time, occasional, or periodic gatherings
[BONUS! Scroll down to the bottom of this post for info on the upcoming Atlanta Poly Weekend Conference] Continue reading

Polyamory on Huffpost Live TODAY at 1pmPacific

HuffPoLive Hey folks!  A quick and last-minute heads-up, that there will be a polyamory segment on Huffpost Live‘s “Hump Day” at 1pm Pacific/4pm Eastern TODAY, Wed. 2/26/14. [Here’s the link to the recorded segment.]  Loving More‘s Robyn Trask is one of those scheduled to appear.  (They contacted me, but I didn’t see the note till this morning, so I won’t be joining them this time.  See here for a link to the segment I appeared on in December.) At this past weekend’s International Academic Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Non-Monogamy, and especially during the special day on political issues, there was much discussion about the increase in media coverage over the past 5-8 years, and the implications that this might have for polyamorous and other sorts of non-monogamous people.  As Jim Fleckenstein of NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom) said in the title of his presentation, “Okay, Polyamory’s Been Outed!  NOW What Do We Do?” — referring mostly to the media frenzy around the change in the Same Sex marriage landscape, and the many “slippery slope” predictions. And as always, you can keep tabs on what’s happening in poly media by checking out Alan M’s Poly In the News. He’s got a great archive going back to at least 2005, with lots of insightful commentary and discussion. It’s great to realize that the world is finally starting to catch up with the notion that no matter who or how many you love… Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  If you’re looking for help with your own polyamorous or other “outside the box” relationship, I do phone or Skype sessions, as well as in-person in the SF  Bay Area. Get more info here!kiss I’ve also updated my KISSable Agreements Workbook, and the updated version is now available from my website for only $10 for the pdf .  I’ve got a few physical copies on hand as well, for $15 (not including shipping, if you need that).

 

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ [© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]

‘Why Knot’ and HuffPost Link

For any of you that might have missed Friday’s HuffingtonPostLive segment on Holiday Survival, Polyamorous Style, you can still catch the recorded show on their website:

Holiday Survival Guide: Polyamorous Edition

Featuring Robyn Trask of Loving More, Billy Holder of Atlanta Poly Weekend, and Rachel Klechevsky, a therapist from New York, the segment addresses some questions regarding the special challenges are faced by polyamorous people during the holidays.

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You may also want to consider donating to the Indiegogo campaign of this independent film, WHY KNOT – Breaking the Silence on Monogamy

According to the campaign website:

[The Director’s] search takes us beyond his bedroom and into the biology of sex, the history of patriarchy and the politics of monogamy where his girlfriend, scientists, polyamorists, Dhruv’s loved one’s, and even tapeworms become a part of this self-reflexive narrative. WHYKNOT is an intellectual and emotional journey through the landscape of monogamy, questioning what it means to be human and to confront this conflict between our instincts and our morals.

The campaign ends on December 27th at midnight, so hop over to the site soon if you wish to contribute to this interesting project that aims to “break the silence on monogamy.”

And remember, even if you experience challenges from family, friends or co-workers this Holiday season…

Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS: Looking for some help in figuring out how to handle your own sticky poly/open situations this holiday season? I’m running some great Winter Specials on my individual and group coaching. Get up to 50% off time with me! But act soon… the extra low package deals end when the ball drops for the new year!

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

TODAY 12/20: HuffPostLive on Polyamory + Other Poly Media

A last-minute heads-up that there will be a segment about Polyamory and the Holidays on HuffingtonPostLive today, Friday 12/20, at 1:40pm Pacific/4:40pm Eastern.  It hasn’t been fully confirmed, but it seems likely that I’ll be one of the speakers on the show, so check it out! The recorded show will be available on the site later, as well.

The topic of the show is what special challenges are faced by polyamorous people during the holidays. For instance, how and when should one come out to family and friends? Before the event? During dinner? What do you do about “plus 1” invitations when you have “plus 2” … or more? How do you handle presents, kids, relatives, and competing invitations? If you spend Christmas with one lover… are you obligated to spend New Years with another?

My contention, while answering pre-show questions was (and is) that in many situations, polyamorous relationships are similar to other sorts of “blended family” relationships. They can have similar challenges and may benefit from similar approaches, such as splitting time between households on various days, or negotiating which partners and family will be at which celebrations, to minimize drama. And of course, talking about things in advance, and making some Agreements is almost always a good idea!

Again, it starts at 1:40pm Pacific time, and is scheduled to run for about 25 minutes. Tune in, and join the conversation!

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sisterwivesIn other news, the decision regarding the Utah Kody Brown (aka “Sister-Wives”) Polygamy case has finally been handed down.  Similarly to the Canadian case two years ago, it looks like the judge has decided that it isn’t illegal to have more than one relationship… just so long as you don’t go seeking any legal recognition for it.

So on the up side, the Browns won’t be prosecuted for their religious marriages, so long as they don’t seek legal any recognition beyond the one existing marriage. That decision should provide some protection — and some precedent — for polyamorous as well as polygamous people in the US.

On the down side however,  in my opinion, is the fact that people in multiple-partner relationships are still being forced into a “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” model of sorts. It seems likely to me that not only adults, but also some children are likely to suffer, since some still may not be able to access needed benefits, falling through the cracks in our rather faulty system of health care, etc. And of course there is still no protection against discrimination against multiple-partner relationships in matters of employment, housing, etc. It’s progress, but we still have a long way to go, clearly.

Still, the ruling shows some progress in acknowledging the existence of multiple-partner households. And the increasing presence of poly topics on fora such as HuffPostLive also demonstrate an increasing awareness of ethically non-monogamous options among the general public. While perhaps not exactly the holiday gifts of our dreams, both are certainly better than a lump of coal in our collective poly stockings. 🙂

Here’s hoping your holidays — whatever form they might take, however many people are present, whatever the religious framework or lack thereof — are as full of warmth and love as you could possibly wish!

~♥ Dawn

PS: Looking for some help in figuring out how to handle your own sticky poly/open situations this holiday season? I’m running some great Winter Specials on my individual and group coaching. Get up to 50% off time with me! But act soon… the extra low package deals end when the ball drops for the new year!

love_outside_the_box_white_on_dark_t_shirts-r734308d7aa2c48a6a7a731d0498738ca_8nfnu_216

PPS: Still looking for that special something as a gift for lovers, friends… or yourself? 😉 Check out the selection of t-shirts, mugs, and other goodies in my Love OTB Zazzle store. Use code BE4CHRISTMAS for 50% off express shipping! (ends Sunday)

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[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

LOVE

From Free Love to Polyamory (a Loving More teleseminar)

LOVE

Hey folks:

Ever wonder how we got from the Free Love movement in the 60’s/70’s, to the polyamory movement now? If so, you’re in luck! Loving More is doing another of their teleseminar series this coming week.  Check out the details below!

…because Love is ALWAYS ok!

~♥ Dawn

From Free Love to Polyamory
Thursday, November 14, 2013
7:00 PM – 8:00 PM America/Denver (Add to Calendar)You can choose to hear the audio for this meeting either through your computer speakers or by dialing the following conference call information with your phone:Conference Call : Toll Number: 213-416-1560 | Attendee Access Code: 201 9893
Please click here to register and receive your login instructions
Link not working? Copy the following URL into your browser
http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=EA50DB83804B3B
Personal message from Loving More Nonprofit
From Free Love to Polyamory

A history of non-monogamy, open relationships and the future of the Polyamory Movement. This webinar goes through the rich history of the polyamory movement taking a look at the origins of marriage, monogamy, free love and the roots of the modern polyamory movement. Where do we go from here and what is the role of polyamory play in the future of family, love and relationships.

This webinar is $8 or free for current Loving More Donating Members. Members need to contact Robyn@LoveMore.com to receive member code.
Please include membership type; annual or monthly.

A Co-Dependent Love Song…

heart notes

from Lorc at game-icons.net

You’ve all heard the songs.  In fact, if you’ve been poly/open for a while, you’ve probably rolled your eyes at them.  Songs with themes of how “I can’t live with out you,” “you complete me,” or “you broke my heart” with the subtext “… AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!”

Singer/Songwriter Scott Kalechstein Grace took a few of the most common from the 50’s – 70’s — and most egregious — and wrote a very funny parody mashup.  It’s worth the listen:

Of course, being polyamorous or open doesn’t guarantee that you aren’t also co-dependent… but I find that it at least tends to force one to confront some of these tendencies.  It becomes harder, for instance, to imagine that one person can possibly be the answer to all of life’s problems — and that you will DIE without that person — if you’ve discovered that it’s possible to love more than one person at a time … and to have more than one person love you. 🙂

With best wishes for INTER-dependent, not co-dependent, love!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  Those workshops on Jealousy with Kathy Labriola were so great that we’re going to do a THIRD (and final) one on Monday October 28th, 21st! at 5:45pm Pacific Time!  Mark your calendars, because it’s gonna be epic!

PPS:  Have you checked out my KISSable Agreements Workbook (beta edition)?  Only $10!

http://www.blog.loveoutsidethebox.com/kissable-agreements.html

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]