Tag Archives: Open Relationships

Photo of Poly Living Attendees

Meeting Open-Hearted People at Conferences

5 Ways to Meet Open-Hearted People — Part 1: Conferences

As I mentioned in yesterday’s introduction, in this series, I’m going to discuss 5 different ways you can learn more about “outside the box” relationships, and/or meet other people who are interested in the same things … and might even want to date you! To recap, the 5 ways I’ll discuss are:

1) Conferences — one-time, occasional, or periodic gatherings

2) Ongoing Local Meetings — discussion groups, potlucks, dinners, game nights and more

3) Primarily on-line discussion groups — e.g., Facebook groups, Yahoo! Groups, Google Groups, Meetup, e-mail lists

4) Dating and Social Sites — e.g., Polymatchmaker, OK Cupid, Ko-Tango

5) Crossover Interests — e.g., tantra, swinging, naturists, kink/BDSM

Meeting Open-Hearted People at Conferences

Conferences are a popular place to meet polyamorous, open, or otherwise open-hearted people.  There are conferences in many parts of the world, and for many flavors and subgroups of the open-hearted culture.  From Open-Cons in the UK and Spain, to hotel conferences in Atlanta and Philadelphia, to clothing-optional retreats in California and New York, the wide variety of conferences available offer the opportunity to connect with like-minded people at all times of the year, and in many parts of the world.

Conferences offer a number of positive benefits for meeting others,  including:

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5 Ways to Meet Open-Hearted People

Ever wonder how to meet other polyamorous, open, or ethically non-monogamous people?  Feel like you must be the only “weirdo” in the country?  Wish there were a way to connect with people in person… or conversely do you wish there were a way to find out more about this “new” lifestyle without leaving your living room?  Well, congratulations, you’re in luck!

As a person with access to the Internet (which you must be if you’re reading these words), you have access to some of the most powerful tools there are to connect with other people, and learn about this collection of lifestyles that can loosely be grouped under the heading of “ethical non-monogamy,” “open-relationships,” and/or “polyamory.” (Not sure what these words mean? Check out this past article on my blog, where I discuss some of the differences, and what it means — in MY opinion, anyway! — to be “polyamorous.“) The Internet has had a truly profound effect on our culture, as it has allowed a way for people to fairly easily locate other people of like-mind.

5 Ways to Meet Polyamorous/Open People

In this series, I’m going to discuss 5 different ways you can learn more about these sorts of relationships, and/or meet other people who are interested in the same things … and might even want to date you!

1) Conferences — one-time, occasional, or periodic gatherings
[BONUS! Scroll down to the bottom of this post for info on the upcoming Atlanta Poly Weekend Conference] Continue reading

Afternoon Delights on 4/26/14 + Free Recording!

What’s relationship success? Is your relationship a success or not, and how do you tell? How can you use “creative relationship design” to create a successful relationship tailored to your needs, and those of your partner/s?

This was the topic of the free call that I did a couple of weeks back, with Francesca Gentille.  I’ve finally surmounted the technological hurdles to get this out in a form that anyone can listen to.  Hooray!  Below is the link to the YouTube page for the audio (the slideshow portion is fairly optional.)

If you are local to the SF Bay Area, you might be interested in the in-person class that Francesca and I are teaching THIS Saturday, April 26th:  Afternoon Delights on the Wilder Shores of Love. (HINT: there’s a DISCOUNT CODE for those who listen to the FREE CALL recording below!) We’ve still got some spaces left, so grab a friend — or two, for best prices! — and sign up for this fun, interactive workshop!

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Millenial Gaia, a statue depicting Gaia/Mother Earth as a seated, pregnant woman, with the earth as her belly.

Out In the World… (a poem)

Most of the time, in this blog, I focus on polyamory and other forms of “ethical non-monogamy.”  Today, I’m offering something involving another facet of my own “outside the box” nature: Paganism. In a somewhat uncharacteristic way for me, I’m going to offer the poetry first, and the explanations after.  So scroll down if you’re interested in more background on how this poem came to be, and why I’m posting it here.  Enjoy!  ~♥ Dawn

Out In The World, the Goddess Speaks

(A poem by Dawn Davidson, © 2014)

Out in the wind
the Goddess speaks:
Branches whispering to one another, swaying in the wind.
“Bend;” she says, “flexibility is the key,
lest in bearing your natural pressures, you would otherwise break.”
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Wilder Shores of Love — FREE call 4/10, 5:15p Pacific

What’s relationship success? Is your relationship a success or not, and how do you tell? How can you use “creative relationship design” to create a successful relationship tailored to your needs, and those of your partner/s?

Please join Francesca Gentille and me (Dawn Davidson of Love Outside the Box) this Thursday, 4/10 at 5:15pmPacific for the FREE INFORMATIONAL CALL about the Wilder Shores of Love!

UPDATE: Here’s the link to the recording!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zoIaBrfBMQ

On the Web join online here:http://apps.calliflower.com/conf/show?guid=75e9680b5da6fdf796f36cd276d54d25a73a6951

Dial in number: 415 376 1329
Your Conference Code: 1282710

While this is a call where people can ask questions about our upcoming in-person class (see below), it’s not just a sales call — we are committed to providing value to everyone who joins us on the call! We plan to discuss some issues important to relationship success… starting with the question of what IS relationship “success”, and how do YOU measure it?

So join us on this FREE call, find out more about the Wilder Shore of Love, and share your ideas about creative relationship design!

Hope you can join us… because Love is always ok!

~♥ Dawn

PS: For more information about the in-person event that’s happening on April 26th:
http://www.wildershores.com/events.html

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]

Updated Polyamory Resources

Hi folks!  In preparation for the recent workshops I gave in San Jose and in Berkeley, I updated my Polyamory Resources Handout.  Below I’ve copied the new version for your pleasure and information.  This was designed to fit on 2 sides of a single sheet of paper, so it doesn’t have anywhere near all of the resources I have listed elsewhere, … let alone all there are these days!  However, this list should provide a good place to start or continue your explorations into “outside the box relationships.”

I’ve pasted the content below my signature, for ease of access.

I’ve also got a pdf version available.  Drop me a line at loveotb@gmail.com if you’d like to get a copy!

Because no matter who or how many you love… Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  Are you local to the San Francisco East Bay area?  If so, you may want to check out this new class that I’m co-creating with Francesca Gentille!

 Sat. April 26th, 12:3A Race With Mermaids and Tritons -- Smithers-Collier0 – 6pm: Afternoon Delights on the WILDER SHORES OF LOVE:  Relationships Outside the Box

Class ~ Take-home Information ~ Participatory Experience ~ Connection Salon & Tea ~

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SOME RESOURCES FOR POLYAMORY
(and Other Relationships)

© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson of Love Outside the Box

Websites

http://lovemore.com/ – Loving More® Non-profit home page, including newly updated FAQ and local resource links, discussion list, and NEW interactive personals.

http://www.morethantwo.com/– Polyamory: What? Why? How?: An EXCELLENT “primer” on polyamory.

http://www.polyamory.org – home page for the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory, this page also has a lot of information about other internet resources, including FAQs, mailing lists, books, movies, etc.

http://www.modernpoly.com/ – Lively presentation, social networking tools, and open-source approach.

http://solopoly.net/ – “Life, relationships, and dating as a free agent” Information, posts, and support for “poly singles” and others interested in or practicing polyamory, open relationships, etc. in a “non-dyadic,” “solo,” egalitarian, or not-couple-centric way.

http://www.blog.loveoutsidethebox.com – “Guidance and Tools For Open-Hearted People — Because Love is always OK!” Resources, links, free downloads and more from Dawn Davidson, counselor, coach & presenter on polyamory and other alternative relationship styles.

A Few of the Many Books

(alphabetically by author; see Amazon Recommendations list below to purchase!)

Anapol, Deborah M. – Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits, IntiNet Resource Center 1997

Block, Jenny – Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, Seal Press, 2008

Chapman, Gary – The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Northfield Publishing, 1992

Chapman, Mim – What Does Polyamory Look Like? Polydiverse Patterns of Loving and Living in Modern Polyamorous Relationships, iUniverse.com, 2010

Davidson, Dawn – KISSable Agreements (and Other Secrets to Negotiating in Polyamorous Partnerships), 2013 Available as a pdf download

Easton, Dossie and Liszt, Catherine – The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships& Other Adventures, 2nd Edition, Celestial Arts Press, 2009

Gottman, John M. and Silver, Nan – The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, Three Rivers Press, 2000

Kramer, Matt – Conversations before a Marriage, InfoBooks, 1999

Labriola, Kathy – Love In Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice On Open Relationships, Greenery Press, 2010

Labriola, Kathy –  The Jealousy Workbook, Greenery Press, 2013

McGarey, Robert – Poly Communication Survival Kit: The Essential Tools for Building and Enhancing Relationships, The Human Potential Center, 2001

Rosenberg, Marshall – Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion, PuddleDancer Press, 1999

Taormino, Tristan – Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, Cleis Press, 2008

Taylor, Patricia Huntington – The Enchantment of Opposites: How to Create Great Relationships, Traveling Artists, 1997

West, Celeste – Lesbian Polyfidelity, Booklegger Publishing, 1996

Groups and Lists

http://www.polyamory.org/SF/mail-lists.html – SF Bay Area Local discussion and event lists.

http://www.meetup.com/Bay-Area-Poly-Collective/ – Bay Area Polyamory Collective: A collection of Meetup Groups and other listings for Bay Area people interested in polyamory, open relationships, and more. Includes meetups for “Newcomers” in East Bay and SF.

Loving More’s “Love List” email discussion group (moderated) — https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/LovingMore_lovelist/info

groups.yahoo.com/group/ExpansiveLoving/– “Expansive Loving,” a discussion list and online meeting place for spiritual and “new thought” polyamorists.

Where to meet potential poly partners (in the SF East Bay) — a brainstormed list of places to meet “likeminded” people. Not necessarily poly-specific, and focused on the SF East Bay, but you may find some good ideas even if you’re from elsewhere in the world. 🙂
http://blog.loveoutsidethebox.com/where-to-meet-potential-poly-partners-sf-east-bay-focus/

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/eastbaypolypotluck/info  – SF East Bay Area Local discussion/potluck, once/month or so at rotating East Bay homes.

SF Bay Area Calendars of interest to polyamorous/non-monogamous people. http://blog.loveoutsidethebox.com/maps-charts-resources-for-relationships/sf-bay-polynon-monogamy-event-calendars/

International Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Non-Monogamy: https://sites.google.com/site/ipachome/ — with Academic & non-academic tracks – February 21-23 2014

Agreements and Safer Sex

http://www.sfsi.org/ – San Francisco Sex Information. Clearing house for safer sex information and training. Check here for other good links, too.

http://www.plannedparenthood.org – Click on Find a Center under Health Services to find a location for testing.

More Relationship and Safer Sex Agreements Examples and Info: http://blog.loveoutsidethebox.com/resources-more-relationship-safer-agreements-info/

Our Open Agreement – an online open-agreement-making tool by Cat Maness, MFTi http://www.ouropenagreement.com/

Aggregation sites related to polyamory

Poly-Friendly Professionals: http://www.polychromatic.com/pfp/main.php
Poly Conferences: http://polyevents.blogspot.com/
Polyamory In The News: http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/
Poly Movies: http://www.theinnbetween.net/polymovies.html
Poly Music: http://www.theinnbetween.net/polymusic.html
Poly Books: http://www.theinbetween.net/polybooks.html
Poly clothing & jewelry: http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/04/poly-jewelry-clothing-and-other.html

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]

Polyamory on Huffpost Live TODAY at 1pmPacific

HuffPoLive Hey folks!  A quick and last-minute heads-up, that there will be a polyamory segment on Huffpost Live‘s “Hump Day” at 1pm Pacific/4pm Eastern TODAY, Wed. 2/26/14. [Here’s the link to the recorded segment.]  Loving More‘s Robyn Trask is one of those scheduled to appear.  (They contacted me, but I didn’t see the note till this morning, so I won’t be joining them this time.  See here for a link to the segment I appeared on in December.) At this past weekend’s International Academic Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Non-Monogamy, and especially during the special day on political issues, there was much discussion about the increase in media coverage over the past 5-8 years, and the implications that this might have for polyamorous and other sorts of non-monogamous people.  As Jim Fleckenstein of NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom) said in the title of his presentation, “Okay, Polyamory’s Been Outed!  NOW What Do We Do?” — referring mostly to the media frenzy around the change in the Same Sex marriage landscape, and the many “slippery slope” predictions. And as always, you can keep tabs on what’s happening in poly media by checking out Alan M’s Poly In the News. He’s got a great archive going back to at least 2005, with lots of insightful commentary and discussion. It’s great to realize that the world is finally starting to catch up with the notion that no matter who or how many you love… Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  If you’re looking for help with your own polyamorous or other “outside the box” relationship, I do phone or Skype sessions, as well as in-person in the SF  Bay Area. Get more info here!kiss I’ve also updated my KISSable Agreements Workbook, and the updated version is now available from my website for only $10 for the pdf .  I’ve got a few physical copies on hand as well, for $15 (not including shipping, if you need that).

 

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ [© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]

PantheaCon2014 Cover

Join me at 2 upcoming conferences!

Happy almost-Valentine’s Day! I have good news for folks who will be in the SF Bay Area over the next two weekends:  There are two upcoming conferences at which I’ll be appearing, and at which I’d love to meet up with you! PantheaCon2014 Cover

First up is Pantheacon, an awesome gathering of thousands of people from all over the world. Filled with all sorts of Pagans and people interested in and/or practicing various forms of “alternative” spiritualities, this conference every year over the Presidents’ Day weekend offers a dazzling array of concerts, workshops, dealer’s room, rituals, classes, books, costumes, and much, much more. I’ll be co-teaching a class with Francesca Gentille (on the topic of creating your own best relationship model), at 2pm Sunday 2/16, in the Church of All Worlds hospitality suite on the 2nd floor of the Double Tree Hotel in San Jose.  If you’re of a mind to join us for a day or a weekend, check out the link here: http://pantheacon.com/wordpress/ I’d love to see you there!

Next up is the 3rd International Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Non-monogamy, to be held this year February 21-23 in Berkeley, California. With multiple tracks including Academic, Clinical, Art & Folklore, and Public Education, this conference has something to offer almost everyone interested in polyamory, open relationships, and other related topics.  Kathy Labriola (my co-presenter for the Jealousy teleseminars last fall) will also be there. I’m scheduled in the Public Education Track on Saturday, and I’d love to see you there! Click here to find out more and/or buy tickets: https://sites.google.com/site/ipachome/

Whether or not we get to see each other in person soon, I wish you all the best for this Valentine’s Day season of love.

And remember:  No matter who or how many you love, Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  I’m still running my “winter specials” — reduced prices on coaching packages.  I’d love to help you and your loves have relationships that are sizzling hot, and truly fulfilling!  Call me or email to set up a time for your free 30 minute consultation. 🙂

love_outside_the_box_white_on_dark_t_shirts-r734308d7aa2c48a6a7a731d0498738ca_8nfnu_216PPS:  Need something for your Valentine(s)?  You might want to check out my Zazzle Store: (zazzle.com/LoveOutsideTheBox*). I’ve got lots of items for sale, including things with my logo (some are customizable!), and also stuff with the poly “pi flag” design, or other nifty things. Or just shop Zazzle through my link, and find awesome stuff for everyone you love!

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[© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]

‘Why Knot’ and HuffPost Link

For any of you that might have missed Friday’s HuffingtonPostLive segment on Holiday Survival, Polyamorous Style, you can still catch the recorded show on their website:

Holiday Survival Guide: Polyamorous Edition

Featuring Robyn Trask of Loving More, Billy Holder of Atlanta Poly Weekend, and Rachel Klechevsky, a therapist from New York, the segment addresses some questions regarding the special challenges are faced by polyamorous people during the holidays.

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You may also want to consider donating to the Indiegogo campaign of this independent film, WHY KNOT – Breaking the Silence on Monogamy

According to the campaign website:

[The Director’s] search takes us beyond his bedroom and into the biology of sex, the history of patriarchy and the politics of monogamy where his girlfriend, scientists, polyamorists, Dhruv’s loved one’s, and even tapeworms become a part of this self-reflexive narrative. WHYKNOT is an intellectual and emotional journey through the landscape of monogamy, questioning what it means to be human and to confront this conflict between our instincts and our morals.

The campaign ends on December 27th at midnight, so hop over to the site soon if you wish to contribute to this interesting project that aims to “break the silence on monogamy.”

And remember, even if you experience challenges from family, friends or co-workers this Holiday season…

Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS: Looking for some help in figuring out how to handle your own sticky poly/open situations this holiday season? I’m running some great Winter Specials on my individual and group coaching. Get up to 50% off time with me! But act soon… the extra low package deals end when the ball drops for the new year!

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

Green First Aid Kit

Is Jealousy Ever a GOOD Thing?

Hey polyamorous and open people, what do you think?  Is feeling jealousy ever a “good thing?” What do “feelings of jealousy” mean to you? or about you? Check out the letter below from one of my readers, and my response, for some more thoughts on this topic.

Dear Dawn:writing icon

I hope this is quick.   I don’t feel I have any place in a jealousy workshop, because I don’t see myself ever feeling jealous, because I think jealousy has to do with feeling upset because I’m not getting attention I feel is owed to me, and I don’t feel anyone owes me, or would ever owe me, attention.  Is that a sign of low self-esteem?  That is, is feeling jealous when one’s beloved gives attention to someone else ever a good thing?  Thanks!

signed, KW

Hi KW:

Jealousy is neither good nor bad.  It just IS.  It’s a collection of feelings, and those feelings are *information.*  What you do with the information is up to you, ultimately (though for some folks, it doesn’t feel like it.)  If you feel “jealous” when your lover gives attention to someone else, in my view that means it’s a signal that there’s something there for YOU to pay attention to.  Ask yourself questions like “what need do I have that feels like it’s not getting met (enough)?” “has my ‘love tank’ gotten filled enough recently, and if not, what could I possibly ask for (not demand!) that might have me feel more loved and more at ease with my partner?”  It’s not about your partner “owing” you attention — it’s about you and your partner/s having a “winning relationship” in which the *relationship* wins because everyone’s needs are getting met, and everyone in the relationship feels like they’re “winning” (i.e., getting what they need in a win-win-win… manner.)

I think you might find the teleseminars interesting and thought-provoking, so I’d encourage you to sign up, and get the handouts at least. And if you listen to the recordings, you will hear some nice “relaxation meditations” by Kathy, and also get other people’s definitions of jealousy (they’re not all the same as yours!)  I’d also encourage you to buy the “beta” version of my KISSable Agreements book (if you haven’t yet), wherein I discuss the win-win-win model I mentioned above. The ideas work well together, and in that book I walk you through a process of discovering your own (and maybe your partners’) needs.

Hope that was a helpful response!

Thanks for writing!


Dawn

Here’s wishing you few jealous moments, lots of compersion, and happy relationships!
Because no matter who or how many you love…Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

Green First Aid KitGreen First Aid KitGreen First Aid KitPS: Have you signed up for the 3rd and final teleseminar with Kathy Labriola and myself, on Monday October 21st at 5:45 – 7pm Pacific Time?  Called “More Options for More Jealousy,” this is ANOTHER all new call, feature a new relaxation meditation, more models and options for dealing with jealousy, and a step-by step process for examining your beliefs and fears around your jealousy triggers.  We’d love to have you join us! (or, if you can’t be on the call live, sign up anyway, and get the recording and the FREE “take home materials”!)

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[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]