Tag Archives: SoloPoly

Solo Poly

One of the concepts that crossed my desk a while back was that of “Solo Polyamory.” As I sat unexpectedly alone on Christmas eve, and was reading some discussion on one of the polyamory lists I’m on, I realized that this is the style of polyamory that I’m apparently now practicing.

Many people feel that “solo poly” is an oxymoron.  After all, how can you be single and “love more than one”?  Seems incompatible, at least from the monogamous/couple paradigm. So what the heck IS it?

On one of the lists, one person had this to say about solo poly, in response to another writer in the forum:

First, solo poly is not about single people only. It is a way of approaching poly that claims to be valid for singles, as equally for each individual in a couple, triple, quadruple, or any tuple you care to think of.

Solo poly, which is not my own take on poly, and which I only know from a single presentation followed by a group discussion, shares with yourself a strong critique of couple privilege and of couple-oriented thinking.

[…]

Solo poly is saying remember you are at the centre of your life, not some other person who you label a primary partner.

It is reminding you that when partners ALL let you down, your truly primary resource is yourself (whether it is expenses, housework, or any of the other rhythms you list).

It is reminding you that all your relationships (no doubt to varying extents) only augment the care that ultimately is your care is your self.

For more information on solo poly, you might want to check out this article by researcher Elisabeth Sheff:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201310/solo-polyamory-singleish-single-poly

Another great resource for ideas and posts about solo poly is the blog at http://solopoly.net.

As my own relationship map changes and shifts in this new year (the only constant is change!), I find myself resonating even more with this concept of solo poly. Four years ago I wrote a list of Agreements/affirmations for myself. And I’ve been thinking it might be time to revisit them.

What do you think about this concept?  Does “solo poly” make sense to you? Resonate? Seem ok, but only for someone else?  Seem like a contradiction, or nonsensical?

As always, feel free to comment here, or in Facebook, or to write me privately. I’m always happy to discuss these things more!

Wishing you happiness and all the love you could want in this new-ish year!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  I’m still running my “winter specials” — reduced prices on coaching packages.  Get ’em while they’re hot!

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[© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]