Hello fellow explorers:
Is it possible to refer to a “couple” and have that mean someone who is polyamorous? Does the idea of “couple” necessarily imply monogamy and exclude polyamory? What are your thoughts? Check out the post behind the cut, for more conversation about the meaning of words, and what it means to be polyamorous and single, or polyamorous and part of a couple, or just polyamorous!
The other day another friend let me know of a couple new resources for Bay Area Poly folk (and other non-monogamous people) looking for lower cost therapeutic groups. I posted a brief note to my Weirdness Events list letting folks know. The ad contained this section:
> This group is open to primary couples of all genders and orientations,
as well as individuals in couples who wish to attend without their
partner(s). This is sex-and dating-free space.
Chai from Santa Cruz, who runs the Santa Cruz Polyamory Yahoo! group, wrote back to me, saying:
I don’t know the organizers of these events, but I have to throw in my two cents that it’s always a red flag for me when people advertise poly events and use the word “couples”.
The word “couple” implies two. It is absolutely an expression of mono-normative exclusivity. The implication is that people form couples and then later add a person or persons in less than equal relationships to become “poly”.
To me, it seems these people don’t even know what polyamory is. I have to wonder how good these can presenters be if they can’t grasp such a simple concept.
The word “couples” is used twice in this description below of the events’ target audience. I am not included. I am not a couple. I am not *in* a couple. I have more than one partner. I am poly!
Happy New Year! May all your poly wishes come true 🙂
Given that the Weirdness Events list is an events list and not a discussion list, I suggested to her that we could discuss this topic over here, and let people know of the discussion over there. Chai kindly agreed. So I’m posting the question here, and will post my answer in the comments. Anyone (especially Chai!) would be welcome to answer with their musings.
Thanks for your contributions to the discussion here!